Most of us know the grim facts about breast cancer. It’s the second leading cause of cancer deaths among women. In America, a woman has a one-in-eight chance of developing cancer in her lifetime. Nearly 41,000 men and women in this country are expected to die from it this year. In 2001, 1,000 Mainers were diagnosed with breast cancer.
Chances are, you and I and everyone we love knows someone or is someone whose life has been affected by breast cancer.
Add to that list Ann Murray Paige. Maybe you already know her: She was a news reporter and anchor for WCSH Channel 6 in Portland and a frequent contributor to Maine Public Broadcasting. She dreamed of being like Katie Couric. Indeed, Paige has spunk and is comfortable with a camera in her face. But at 38, she found a lump in her breast. Three days later, the camera was not only in her face. It was in her bedroom, her hospital room, her car and kitchen.
Cancer turned her into the topic of her own reporting and put her on a self-driven assignment far more difficult and demanding than covering local politics or a nightly news feature. After all, you don’t lose your hair sitting at the anchor desk.
“The Breast Cancer Diaries,” an 82-minute feature documentary directed with an all-Maine, all-women lead production team, is a combination of reality TV, reportorial persistence and personal navigation through the minefield of a pernicious disease. The film will have its world premiere June 17 at the Silverdocs/AFI-Discovery Channel Documentary Film Festival at the American Film Institute theater in Silver Spring, Md. The Maine premiere will take place during the Maine International Film Festival July 14-23 at the Railroad Square Cinema in Waterville.
Paige, now 40, said that despite her considerable experience in the news industry, she was naive about being the subject of a documentary. “I wasn’t thinking about the hair,” said Paige, whose wig-shopping day is recorded in the film. “I wasn’t thinking about my skin turning gray or about feeling so weak. But I did it anyway.” She told herself: “I’m not just going to burn out like a light. I haven’t come this far for that.”
Paige’s story, much of which was recorded in diary form with a camera mounted in her bedroom, reveals her own fears and fierceness, as well as the voices of her tender-hearted husband, her devoted family and friends, and a coterie of doctors, nurses, aides and technicians.
Most poignant, said Silverdoc’s Nina Gilden Peavey, who selected the film from more than 250 entries, is the relationship between Paige and her then 5-year-old son, Christopher.
“I thought this was going to be a traditional, very sad film,” said Peavey, programmer for DOX RX, the festival’s showcase for global health care issues. “But it’s not interesting because of the story arc. The experience of breast cancer is quite common. That’s not what’s special. What’s special is Ann Murray Paige. She and particularly the relationship with her son is something filmmakers dream about.”
In one scene in the film, an emaciated Paige turns the camera on herself, and in seconds, young Christopher is cuddled at her side. Their conversation is so utterly raw that it may well be the most devastating scene in a film filled with emotional moments – from a double mastectomy to the closing scene of Paige and her family playing on the beach.
“Yes, it’s about breast cancer,” said Peavey, “but it’s about the transformation of these characters. That’s what great filmmaking is all about.”
But great filmmaking can also be about counterpoint. Paige, who co-produced the film with Linda Pattillo, her sister-in-law, not only bares her breast-less chest, her hairless head and her frustration with a drive-through style of surgery, she also knows a good comic moment when she sees it. And Paige, who grew up in an Irish-Catholic family, doesn’t hesitate to share her quick wit on camera.
“We didn’t cry from March 12 until Nov. 8,” said Paige, who now spends most of her time caring for her two children and is also working on a report about local economies for MPBN. “When I dug deep down for strength – when your face is on the floor – I started to say: I’ve got to laugh. Even in the throes of a nasty situation, I can’t waste the jokes. The humor was a godsend.”
That complexity – the pathos and wit, the hope and despair, the strength and weakness – drew Kate Nelligan, a film editor from Kennebunkport. She knew the subject would require an equally balanced approach from her. What she didn’t anticipate was Paige’s openness on camera.
“Once I started looking at the footage and could see how generous she was with her experience and what she was laying down on the tape, I became very protective of her,” said Nelligan. “I realized in my hands I had her heart, and there was something sacred about the job.”
But neither Nelligan nor Paige say the outtakes – about 49 additional hours of footage – ended up on the cutting room floor out of protection. It’s more about creating a compelling story, one that reveals Paige’s experience while inviting others – neighbors who don’t know what to say, receptionists who don’t know what goes on behind closed medical doors, and families – to understand the experience of breast cancer more fully.
Paige’s two children were also powerful motivating forces. Her daughter was just learning to walk when Paige’s surgery took place, and the mother was afraid she might miss those first steps. Making the film pushed her toward essential parenting goals.
“I didn’t want to be gone without them knowing who I was,” she said. “Also, I wanted to be a role model. I felt those four little eyes staring at me. What are you going to do: Fold or fight? I fought my good fight. It was a fear of not being remembered for something other than being a victim, for showing grace under pressure. I wanted them to see you could be scared and sad but also hopeful and strong at the same time.”
Ten years ago, Paige had career-driven aspirations. “Then life came along and I learned a lot about myself and what I really do want to do,” she said. “I’m not going to say this is what I wanted – cancer. But to take a negative situation and create something positive, that’s who I am now.”
Paige, who says she has about 90 percent of her strength back, will attend this weekend’s screening with her family in Silver Spring, where filmmakers in the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area have created a 10-minute short film based on a local “breast cancer diary” project. Paige and Pattillo, who directed the film, will also be on a post-screening panel discussion with several members of the medical field.
For information about “The Breast Cancer Diaries,” visit www.thebreastcancerdiaries.com. For information about the Maine International Film Festival, visit www.miff.org.
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