How to put a stop to relationship drama

A few years ago I dated a guy who just hated being in the middle of a dramatic situation, whether it involved him or not.

He couldn’t stand it when two of his friends were fighting, which happened every now and then because there were some couples in the group.

He would lift his arms and say something like, “No drama!” just like Mary J. Blige did in a video of her song, “No More Drama.” Thinking back I feel bad because things ended with me getting dramatically huffy and marching out at 1 a.m.

Turns out he’s a pretty smart guy. Drama stinks.

I recently spent a fabulous Saturday evening with a friend who is right in the middle of a soap opera. She’s not in the director’s chair, but she certainly has been dragged along for the taping.

Her boyfriend (or is he her ex-boyfriend? I don’t think she even knows as I’m writing this) seems to have some unresolved issues with his ex-girlfriend.

Meanwhile, the ex-girlfriend has tracked down my friend – and by tracked down I mean stalked – to bad-mouth a guy she was with for several years.

And of course it’s all happening in one of our small, close-knit Maine communities where life and love – your life and love – is on everybody else’s lips.

As my friend and I sat over drinks, then dinner and then breakfast the next morning after she let me bunk at her place, we hashed out our love lives. I’ve got my own issues going on, but there’s nothing I can do about them now.

My friend, on the other hand, was wrapped up in a mess as we spoke. When I got home she called with an update. The ex-girlfriend approached her -luckily in a public place – and unloaded about the guy.

It wasn’t what my friend needed to hear, as confused as she is about what the next step should be.

I’m no psychiatrist, but there is a theory out there that some people need drama in their relationships, and actually seek it out, because they need something with which to spice up their lives or gain attention.

This sounds ridiculous – why put yourself through such misery? – but the pursuit of drama rings true. Look at the movies that have been big hits this summer. There’s “The Break-Up,” a movie about relationship drama that starred an actress whose previous relationship drama has been played out in the tabloids, co-starring a man with whom she’s in a relationship!

And what about “Superman Returns,” in which a woman’s ex-boyfriend returns to find out she’s in a new relationship. I haven’t see the movie yet, but the plot sounds ripe for lots of drama.

My own huffy exit of a few years ago must have seemed pretty drama queen-esque at the time.

Meanwhile, my friend just wants out of the dramatic situation. So if you find yourself in the middle of a Lifetime movie, how do you put a stop to it?

Take a lesson from my pal and put a clean end to it. She did just that and, last I heard, hadn’t caved in despite my perhaps less-than-sage counsel to give her boyfriend another chance and despite the strong connection they share.

The breakup wasn’t because of the actual dramatic situation, she said, but because she had been dragged into the middle of it all. It was a shame, because they seemed to really have a future. But she was done with the drama.

That’s the key. Know when enough is enough. Be strong, as my friend put it. Understand that if someone has dragged you into the middle of something, or if you’ve allowed yourself to get involved, there’s a lack of respect, for oneself or otherwise.

Maybe my friend eventually will get back together with her boyfriend. Maybe not. But you can be sure, whatever happens will be on my friend’s terms, and that won’t include a best actress award.

Jessica Bloch can be reached at jbloch@bangordailynews.net.