After covering the midcoast area for the BDN for more than 30 years, I became a jack of all trades and master of damned few. I learned a little about police and fire, Congressional candidates and selectmen, crime and the courts.

But my expertise was always Rotary. I went to more Rotary meetings than most members. I covered the Camden Rotary. I covered the Rockland Rotary. I might have even made it to Belfast a few times. I even played a few innings for the Rotary softball team, when they ran out of players. Believe me, it was not for my fielding or running. Sad to say, I was ejected from the team for singing the Rotary songs I had learned at their meetings. For some reason, they thought I was making fun of them. Imagine.

The Rotary speeches were always about 20 minutes long and a guaranteed story for the paper. On Friday, you made the noon speech at the Samoset, went back to write the story and the weekend started. Not a bad deal.

With this background and expertise in all things Rotary, you can imagine my shock to find out on Slate.com Web site this week that Rotary clubs are “nests of spies and the like. All of them are nests of saboteurs and sabotage.”

This comes from the unimpeachable source of the charter of Hamas, according to reporter Jonathan Schwarz.

The official Al Qaida manual states that when the Mideast was colonized in 1924, organizations such as the Masonic Clubs and Rotary clubs were formed as part of the subjugation process.

Reports of the Rotarian conspiracy against Islam can be found in Turkey’s Islamic newspaper Vakit, which stated that “Rotary is among the destructive organizations that were most dangerous to Islam and the Muslims.”

Who knew?

Apparently, the Rotary was formed by a few Masons in Chicago. Everyone knows how dangerous the Masons are. Why, even the Catholic Church in 1928 reported that the Rotary was “a suspected organization…that should be considered execrable and perverse.” The Vatican once ruled that Catholic priests could not join the Rotary. That’s nothing. When I was growing up, Catholics could not join the brand new YMCA … and they had a pool.

Many Muslim countries rejected the assistance of the Rotary’s celebrated anti-polio campaign. Today, there are still no Rotary Clubs in Saudi Arabia, Iran, Syria or Iraq. I certainly would never have played second base for an “execrable and perverse” organization. Well, maybe for a few innings. They didn’t even have beer, for heaven sake.

If I had known there were spies and saboteurs in the Samoset dining room or the Camden YMCA, I would have paid much more attention. I was always distracted by the songs, especially “Harvest Moon” and “Me and My Gal.” Maybe that was part of their devious plan. If I had only known how dangerous they were, I would have stayed awake longer.

I share the opinion of one Mideast blogger who reported on the Rotary, “They seem nice enough, but kind of boring.”

Send complaints and compliments to Emmet Meara at emmetmeara@msn.com.