Readers respond

Our son Jeff died on Mother’s Day 2006 at the age of 34, after 20 years of addiction. He grew up in a home surrounded by love. As his parents, we participated in every aspect of his life. We attended church together, where he willingly joined in the youth programs. We were always at his Little League, soccer and basketball games. Our home had rules and a curfew. We insisted on knowing who his friends were, expected his homework to be done, all the normal things that go with parenting. At age 14, he started to change. This change came from alcohol and drugs. We took him to rehab. He agreed to go, but when we arrived, he refused to stay. The cycle continued over the next 18 years. We often asked him why he didn’t stop, and whether we had done something wrong to cause him to be this way. He always assured us it wasn’t our fault, he just took that first drink and couldn’t stop – not for us, not for any relationship he had, and especially not for himself. It broke our hearts to see what was happening.

Did he want to be this way? Absolutely not! Was it our fault? Absolutely not! Though for years we did blame ourselves, because that’s what parents do.

It is not necessarily poor upbringing that causes these tragedies; it is simply an individual making the wrong

choices.

Our hearts will always miss you, Jeff.

– Fred and Brenda Dunlop,

Linneus

I am sorry that Cliff Smith [who contributed the July 27 Finding a Fix column] had to go to prison, but if that is where he got his vision back, then that is great. I am hoping my daughter will have that “light bulb moment” soon! She has been picked up for OUI and has spent time in the county jail. She is divorced and has two children. One of her children lives with the children’s father and the other lives with my husband and me. She has had several relationships that didn’t amount to anything except another pregnancy. She is currently in a drug treatment center and has told me things about her activities that I wish I didn’t know. But at least my eyes are open and the one thing I can do is protect her child. I have been through the lying and stealing. That was the final straw; when she started stealing from us, I sent her packing, and she knows where to go. She is pretty smart … like a fox. Good luck to you, Mr. Smith, and keep up the great work.

– Anonymous

Hello! My name is Leigh-Ann Hanson and I am 24 years old. I live in Union, Maine, and am a recovering drug addict. Beginning when I was 14, I used drugs and alcohol to help me cope with the everyday pressures of life. My addiction took me to places I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy – a life of complete isolation, lost hope and utter desperation. From the moment I took my first hit, I knew I was hooked. The next seven years of my life consisted of nothing more than finding my next fix. No one wanted me around. I hated myself. But what could I do? I was a junkie.

Then, just before my 22nd birthday, I was given the best gift I have every received; the gift of recovery. I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. At first I thought it was all a joke – I didn’t belong here. But I kept going back. And the next thing I knew, I was celebrating 30 days sober, then 60, then 90. On Sept. 30, 2006, I will be celebrating two years of sobriety, and I have never felt better. I have my life back, my family, my friends and my health. I work as a residential counselor, taking care of people with mental retardation. I rent a house and own my own car. I still have my bad days, but I know that as long as I don’t pick up a drink or a drug, I will be OK. I am forever grateful.

Please join our weekly conversation about Maine’s substance abuse problem. We welcome comments or questions from all perspectives. Letters may be mailed to Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04401. Send e-mail contributions to findingafix@bangordailynews.

net. Column editor Meg Haskell may be reached at (207) 990-8291 or mhaskell@bangor

dailynews.net.