Would-be date book for men intrigues

With apologies to the fantastic library staff at the Bangor Daily News, I occasionally feel like an amateur librarian myself here.

You see, I manage the BDN dating library. It’s a collection of about 15 books, most of which are bound in some shade of pink. The other day a fellow reporter returned “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken” – a few months late, but we have a liberal lending policy at my desk – while an intern checked out the modern classic, “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

Most of the books are aimed at women. That’s why I was excited when my pal and next-door neighbor Joe Knox e-mailed me recently to let me know he had co-authored a book called, “All the Foolish Mistakes Guys Make (And How to Avoid Them)” with his friend David Lessard, who like Joe attended the University of Maine.

Their book hasn’t gotten the pink-cover treatment because they haven’t found a publisher yet. They’re hoping that will change soon. Considering the lack of dating books written expressly for men, I wouldn’t be surprised if Joe and David got it out somehow.

It also helps that the book is funny, self-deprecating, occasionally naughty, and brutally honest. There are an awful lot of generalizations and assumptions about women but there are also some great pieces of advice, insights and information.

First, a disclaimer. Joe, who grew up in Gardiner, dated one of my best friends a few years ago. So don’t think I didn’t read the book with an eye for little tidbits about my friend.

Good news. The authors don’t use any names. Joe and my pal are now both happily married (to other people) anyway.

Right off, the authors concede they’re clueless about women. They’re also fascinated with getting a woman into bed. That seems to be the motivation for men to do things. That’s cool. We knew that already anyway.

There are chapters about where to meet women – apparently picking up chicks at weddings is smart because we start to fantasize about our own wedding and get all emotional and stuff – how to behave on the first date, how not to be a blathering idiot in front of her parents and friends, how the relationship might advance, and what happens when you date a woman with children.

The boys delve into the important issues of how to fight, how to maintain friendships with other women while in a relationship, and the always-critical toilet seat debate.

Joe and David also devote quite a few pages to making sure a man’s girlfriend is actually interested in dating men, and then what happens if it turns out the man is involved with someone who would rather date women. That actually happened to one of them, by the way.

The most practical, nuts-and-bolts advice comes in the wedding chapter, where the guys let you know how to buy a ring and how to propose.

Reading the book also answered some of my questions, like why men disappear on women instead of having the guts to break up in person. It seems they have some fear of being kicked in the, um, guts.

However, the organization of the book confused me at times. Dealing with a girlfriend’s family is discussed in one chapter while handling her father appears in another. And the marriage chapter seems a bit jumbled, with a section about the bachelor party before another section about living together during an engagement.

Also, as a woman I feel the need to defend my gender. We don’t all nag. We don’t all want to change men once we’ve lured them into our web. And for gosh sakes, some of us women prefer to watch a football game instead of doing our nails! Unless the game involves the Dallas Cowboys.

I have to admit, I laughed out loud at the guys’ advice to give up trying to understand a girlfriend’s bathroom. It was pretty much dead on. Yes, we have several different lotions, shower gels and shampoo-conditioner combos. No, you will never make sense of it.

Considering this is a book aimed at men – although if I may make a sweeping generalization of my own I can’t imagine a man buying a self-help dating book when most of guys won’t even pull over to ask for directions – I’m not sure the book will eventually get a pink cover.

Maybe something in blue or green? Sounds good to me. The BDN dating library needs a shake up, anyway.

Jessica Bloch can be reached at jbloch@bangordailynews.net