Calais clinic a lifesaver for former IV drug user

Hello. My name is Billie Jean Bonness. I am a 31-year-old recovering addict. A “junkie.” I was a bad IV drug user.

I started out taking my parents’ Somas when I was 15. For people who aren’t up to date on the medications out there, Soma is a strong muscle relaxer. When you take it, you feel like you’re drunk. I’ve overdosed on them too many times to count, and I’m lucky to be alive.

Later, I was close friends with a person who had cancer. He had an enormous prescription for 40 mg OxyContin tablets, even after his cancer went in remission. He shared his Oxys with me. One night before I had to start serving a jail term, I shot up 50 of them! On a normal day, I would do between 15 and 20.

This person also enjoyed cocaine. We were getting 2 ounces every week. I’m not bragging, I’m just trying to make my point.

I used drugs continuously for 10 years. I’ve been in and out of jail since 2000, doing 90 days, 30 days, 120 days every few months. Every time I got out, I went right back to the drugs.

I wasn’t ready to quit. My famous line was – and now it makes me sick to think I ever thought this way – “I’m a junkie and I’ll always be a junkie.” Both my mother and my father were addicted to opiates, too. Over the years I stole from friends, family and my boyfriend.

When they say drug addicts will not quit until they “hit bottom,” they are right. I really don’t think there was any specific incident that happened. I was finally just sick of doing drugs. You see, when you’ve done drugs like I have, there comes a time when you’re not doing it for the high. You’re doing it so you’ll feel normal. Every time I stuck that needle in my arm, I made myself sick. But I had to do it.

Then, in April 2005, the Discovery House methadone program came to Calais. My mother and I talked a lot about going there, but she made the first call. She got her first dose of methadone on May 30. I saw how good she was doing on the methadone and finally I made that call for myself.

When I showed up for my two-hour intake interview, I hadn’t slept in three days. I shot up a whole Oxy 80 just before I went. The interviewer was very patient with me. I poured my heart out to her and she sat and just listened. I had never had somebody do that for me before. Unfortunately, they didn’t have enough counselors at the time, so I had to wait more than a month before I got my first dose on July 12.

Shortly after that, I got in some trouble with the law. I started going to all the group counseling and support sessions I could so it would look better when the time came for me to be sentenced. But after a few weeks of going to groups I found I really enjoyed myself. I still go to almost every group available, and now I help run a group called Patient Advocacy.

I’ve come a long way since July 12, 2005. I want people to know that methadone isn’t a miracle drug. It can take away the cravings and the dope sickness, but you, yourself, have to stay clean.

I know you hear these stories about people overdosing while on methadone therapy. The people who are overdosing are more than likely mixing their methadone with other drugs.

I’m on a very high dose – 210 milligrams. And it works for me. Everybody is different. If you met me on the street you wouldn’t know I was on methadone. I’m just like any other normal person, except I’m a recovering drug addict taking my life one day at a time. -BILLIE JEAN BONNESS, BARING

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