Sadly, this conceptual plot barely holds water

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In theaters

THE FOUNTAIN, written and directed by Darren Aronofsky, 97 minutes, rated PG-13.

The new Darren Aronofsky film, “The Fountain,” is high-concept, metaphysical trash that shoots for the heavens – literally – but which likely will leave some wondering how they paid eight bucks to walk through the doors of hell.

Aronofsky (“Pi,” “Requiem for a Dream”) wrote and directed this long-delayed film as if he just tossed back a few hallucinogenic mushrooms – and then tossed back a few more. His film is so lofty, confusing and pretentious, it floats free from the director’s grasp into a haze of computer-generated imagery that’s lovely to look at, for sure, but which comes to mean nothing. Almost every frame of this movie is designed to achieve a kind of tidy physical symmetry while the busy plot, poor thing, is left to molder in soft focus.

The movie features three interweaving story lines, none of them satisfying because none does what Aronofsky intends them to do – form a meaningful, cohesive whole. Oh, you can see the connections – they’re written all over the screen – but are you moved by them the way Aronofsky intends to move you? Maybe if you’re from the Mayan underworld Xibalba – but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

The film stars Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz in three roles, which in brief go like this – in the 16th century, Jackman is the hirsute Spanish conquistador Tomas, who is charged by the beautiful Queen Isabella (Weisz) to find the Fountain of Youth in Central America. Why? One suspects because Chanel or Lancome had yet to set up shop, but there are other reasons, which we’ll leave for you.

In the present, Jackman is the scientist Tommy, who is fighting to stop the “disease of death” from killing his ill wife, Izzi (Weisz), who is suffering from a brain tumor. To do so, he also will need to find the key to eternal youth in an effort to keep her alive. This is the most fully realized and potentially interesting part of the movie (it features Ellen Burstyn as Tommy’s boss), though Aronofsky squanders it by making Tommy and Izzi so irritatingly dull, and by interrupting their story with that of another.

Cut to the 26th century, where Jackman now is Tom, a bald bloke who floats in a bubble and eats bark from the Biblical Tree of Life. Trippy? Sure, particularly since he sails around space in the lotus position and comes to have a thing for flowers best not revealed here.

So, what does it all mean? On some obscure level, Aronofsky seems to be probing how life blooms within the not-so-absolute process of death, but it’s never made clear in the malaise of undercurrents that sink the show, and only the most curious and patient will care.

In this movie, we’re not offered the red pill or the blue pill to ponder the meaning of life, death, the afterlife and alternative universes. Instead, we’re offered thick white sap from a breathing hairy tree. Best not to lap it, as Tom does – and best not to see the movie.

Grade: D

On DVD

CLERKS II, written and directed by Kevin Smith, 98 minutes, rated R.

Perhaps it’s best to pretend that Kevin Smith’s last film, “Jersey Girl,” never hit the screen. It wouldn’t be difficult to do. For many, the pretending began soon after the movie’s 2004 release.

“Jersey Girl” was Smith’s most grown-up film to date, an attempt to move beyond the comic book fantasy world in which he thrived and was happy pushing buttons, and try something new. The problem was that in trying something new, he ended up producing what so many in the business were busy producing – a safe, bland drama with no ideas, no edge, no shape. For Smith, the clothes didn’t fit – and the movie didn’t work.

Now, Smith’s fans will be happy to know that the politically incorrect button-pushing is back in “Clerks II,” a sharp, smart return to raunchy form that picks up 12 years after its famed predecessor “Clerks” became an underground hit.

Once again, the film stars Brian O’Halloran and Jeff Anderson as Dante and Randal, two aimless friends, now 33, who literally are jarred out of the rhythmic safety of their longtime jobs at the Quick Stop convenience store when Dante arrives to find the place engulfed in flames.

With the store toast, the duo – shaken out of their comfort zones – moves on to the equally dead-end fast-food restaurant Mooby’s. There, the specialty is Cow Pie, Dante becomes an assistant manager, and Randal, when not busy shucking food, keeps busy by picking on creepy co-worker, Elias (Trevor Fehrman, wonderful), or launching into a myriad of rants that push this film beyond the limits of its R rating.

Working effortlessly in a subplot is Rosario Dawson in a winning performance as Becky, manager of Mooby’s, who has developed a friendship with Dante that could become much more if he weren’t engaged to Emma Bunting (Smith’s real-life wife, Jennifer Schwalbach), a pinched, controlling woman who is one leather whip away from being a dominatrix.

Outside the restaurant, it’s a familiar world of foul, with Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Smith) busy selling dope while startling the screen with the occasional moment of horror, such as when Jay pays nude homage to Jame Gumb, the serial killer in “Silence of the Lambs,” which is so funny, it may lay some viewers flat.

As might much of the movie. Raunch only works well if there is a measure of substance at hand to lift the bottom feeding. “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” did this well, and so does “Clerks II,” a movie that has no problem plunging into the messy depths of bestiality while also, somehow, generating a groundswell of affection for the characters understandably dumbstruck by it.

Grade: B+

Visit www.weekinrewind.com, the archive of Bangor Daily News film critic Christopher Smith’s reviews, which appear Mondays in Discovering, Fridays in Happening, and weekends in Television as well as on bangordailynews.com. He may be reached at Christopher@weekinrewind.com.

The Video-DVD Corner

Renting a video or a DVD? BDN film critic Christopher Smith can help. Below are his grades of recent releases in video stores. Those in bold print are new to video stores this week.

Akeelah and the Bee – B+

American Dreamz – D-

Annapolis (DVD and Blu-Ray) – C-

The Ant Bully – B+

ATL – B-

Basic Instinct 2 – D+

The Benchwarmers – D

Big Momma’s House 2 – D

Breakfast on Pluto – B

The Break-Up – B

Brokeback Mountain – A-

Broken Trail – B

Cars – C

Cheaper by the Dozen 2 – C-

Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – A

Clerks II – B+

Click – C-

The Constant Gardener – A-

Curious George – B

Date Movie – D-

The Da Vinci Code – C+

Derailed – C+

Double Indemnity – A

Dukes of Hazzard: Complete Seventh Season – C

Failure to Launch – C-

The Family Stone – D

Fantastic Four (Blu-Ray) – D

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift – B

Freedomland – C-

Friends with Money – B

Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties – C+

The Hills Have Eyes – D

A History of Violence – A

How Art Made the World – A

Howl’s Moving Castle – A-

Inside Man – B+

Junebug – A

Kinky Boots – B+

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang – B+

Last Holiday – B

The Libertine – D

Lucky Number Slevin – B

The Matador – B+

Match Point – A

Miami Vice (DVD and HD DVD) – C

Mission Impossible III – C-

Monster House – B+

Munich – A-

Nacho Libre – C

North Country – C

The Omen – B-

Over the Hedge – B

Paradise Now – A-

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest – B-

Poseidon (HD DVD) – B

A Prairie Home Companion – C

Red Eye – B+

Rumor Has It … – C-

Saving Shiloh – B

Scary Movie 4 – D+

Seinfeld: Season 7 – A-

The Shaggy Dog – C-

Shakespeare Behind Bars – A-

16 Blocks – B

Sky High (DVD and Blu-Ray) – B-

The Squid and the Whale – B+

Slither – B

Stay Alive – D-

Superman Returns: C+

Take the Lead – C-

Transamerica – B

United 93 – A

V for Vendetta – B+

X-Men: The Last Stand – B-

Windtalkers (Blu-Ray) – D+

You, Me and Dupree – C-