Today’s column was not supposed to be about Anthony Tucker, domestic violence or the lessons we all need to learn.

But it’s clear from reading the reader’s comments on the Bangor Daily News’ Web site that many of us are still thinking about the boy’s death and whether it could have been prevented.

There is a lot of anger out there and a lot of blame being passed around.

First know this: The victim or supposed victim of domestic violence does not get to choose whether charges are filed.

If police respond to a call of trouble from the house, the officers decide whether or not a crime has been committed. If a domestic situation exists, then the officers are mandated to press charges, regardless of what the victim says did or did not happen.

The officer then presents his written report to the District Attorney’s Office, which decides whether formal charges should be filed with the court or whether the charges should be dismissed.

I talked this week to Marcie Ouelette, the victim witness advocate for the Penobscot County District Attorney’s Office.

“At least every day, a victim of domestic violence calls me up and asks me to dismiss the charges,” she said.

The victim could ask to have the charges dropped because she truly thinks she loves this man. She could ask because he is the sole provider, or she could ask because he delicately whispers in her ear at night that should she leave him he may rape and then kill her children.

It is easy to say that April Cooley should have rid herself of Todd Curry out of love for her children.

It is easy to say that the Somerset County Sheriffs’ Department should have more than two deputies to serve more than 3,000 miles of territory.

Until people really understand that more than half of the homicides in Maine each year are attributed to domestic violence, nothing will change.

Children dead or alive will remain the victims.

Think how good a spokesman Anthony could have been for domestic violence. His voice was silenced, but he has a sister, an aunt, a grandmother and uncles who still have a voice, and rather than raise it in anger, as many readers have, they have the ability to speak out for positive change.