Her first Christmas Winterport parents thrilled with their decision to adopt a baby girl

WINTERPORT – There is nothing like a new baby to bring sunshine and joy to a family, and Dean and Lynda Casteris-El-Hajj have been captivated by their adopted daughter, Pheona, from the moment they laid eyes on her.

“It’s like we hit the jackpot,” said Lynda. “She’s the best baby. She’s healthy, strong and has the best disposition.”

This will be Pheona’s first Christmas, and her adoptive parents and big sister couldn’t be happier. Last Christmas, Dean and Lynda were not sure they ever were going to be able to adopt a child. They and their daughter, Ruby, then 5, had been waiting for a placement for more than a year. Then out of the blue, a few days after New Year’s, Lynda received a call from Texas informing her a baby girl was available.

“The day she was born was the day we got the call,” Lynda recalled as 11-month old Pheona toddled about the room. “It was 3:30 Friday afternoon. Ruby had just got home from school. Dean was on jury duty, and I couldn’t get hold of him so I just said yes. We talked to the birth parents the next day. … We didn’t expect to go to Texas, we thought we’d be in Maine.”

Although international adoption has become a very appealing option in recent years, the El-Hajjs chose to seek a child born in the United States. Domestic adoptions could be children being cared for in the state foster care system or infants whose birth parents have made the difficult decision to make an adoption plan for their child. The El-Hajjs’ only request was that the child be an infant.

“Even before we had Ruby we always thought that adoption was an option,” she said. “We always wanted a brother or sister for Ruby. We’re both in our 40s where it’s more risky to become pregnant, so we went for adoption. It just seemed like the right thing to do.”

Once the El-Hajjs decided that adoption was for them, they contacted the nonprofit MAPS Adoption and Humanitarian Aid – formerly Maine Adoption Placement Services – in Bangor for assistance. They also had the support of Dean’s employer at the time, MBNA America, which provided financial assistance to employees wishing to adopt a child. There was a lot of paperwork to process and a number of interviews to go through, but the couple eventually was accepted.

“I have form phobia,” Lynda said, laughing. “The most stressful was the waiting part.”

Melissa Huston, MAPS development coordinator, said her agency was able to work with other agencies throughout the country to find an infant for the El-Hajjs. Huston said MAPS and the other agencies provide counseling to both the birth parents and prospective adoptive parents. She said that young women considering placing a child for adoption need to consider every option available. Adoption agencies can help her reach that decision, she said.

“The point is it needs to be her decision, and if she’s unsure, she needs to have a neutral party to guide her through that decision, the best decision at that point in her life,” Huston said. “It is something that is a unique choice for women.”

Huston said that because of the network of agencies, domestic adoption is a more viable option than many perceive. For the most part, the waiting periods are much shorter and the red tape easier to cope with.

“It is very doable, although there are hurdles and areas to be concerned about,” she said. “The biggest thing is people think there is a really long waiting period, but placements happen quickly with the network of agencies across the country and Maine. The opportunity to match with a birth family is much higher than in the past.”

For the El-Hajjs, the days after that phone call from Texas were a whirlwind of activity. Friends and family cobbled together frequent-flier miles and handled flight and lodging reservations. Big sister Ruby was thrilled and began writing and illustrating a book detailing the family’s trip south to meet little Pheona.

“We wanted a baby,” wrote Ruby. “We went to Texas to get my baby sister. When we got there no one else could feed her but me.” She also wrote that the family’s hotel room “had ants,” and that she “got some cowgirl boots.”

The family ended up staying in Texas for two weeks while the court processed their paperwork. They spent a lot of time with the birth parents, a young Catholic couple still in college. Most of all, they bonded with Pheona. The formal adoption process between Texas and Maine took nine months to become final.

“Having given birth and adopted, I would say that, emotionally speaking, this is way more emotional than giving birth, except for the labor,” Lynda said. “She didn’t grow under my heart, she grew in my heart. To me there is no difference in the feelings that I have for Ruby. They’re both my daughters.”

Dean agreed. He said that while the lengthy process is not for the faint of heart, the rewards of having a new child are indescribable. He said bonding with Pheona was immediate and permanent.

“If anybody asks me about adoption, I’ll say they should go for it,” he said. “Anybody that has any thought of adoption, they should look into it. It doesn’t cost anything to look into it. It’s worked out great for us.”

As for Ruby, she can’t give enough hugs to her baby sister, Pheona. “I’m happy,” she said. “I’m an awesome big sister.”

MAPS regularly conducts information meetings for prospective adoptive parents. The next session is scheduled for Wednesday, Dec. 20. For more information, visit mapsadopt.org, or call 941-9500.