Take a stand on violence

Domestic violence is everyone’s business. We are taught not to get too involved in other people’s business, to respect people’s privacy, family matters are just that – a matter best left to a family. I believe many people don’t understand what the words “domestic violence” really mean, yet are aware that violent behavior between spouses, intimates and dating partners can be deadly.

So here we are just into the month of January and a horrific killing has occurred to a woman who was also a mother, a friend, and perhaps she was once the person next to you, glancing through a magazine, in the grocery store checkout line. Is her life not our business?

Rhonda Reynolds, 37, mother of three has been gunned down in her home by her husband. According to reports from the press, Reynolds had done everything right. She had a protection from abuse order and had moved to another home, yet her life was violently taken from her and her children.

Who knew of her struggles, who had a gut instinct that Reynolds was in danger? Unfortunately subtle and not so subtle clues of violence go unnoticed or are played down by friends, family and acquaintances. We are also quick to judge a woman who has stayed in a violent relationship, sometimes even suggesting that she is responsible for placing her children in a harmful situation.

Oftentimes I hear women say that they would not stand for abusive behavior, they would fight back and leave. No one can walk in another person’s shoes and every relationship is unique. Women who are victimized by their partners know their situation better than anyone else, thus they also know when it is safer to stay or to leave – timing can mean life or death.

At what point do we, as a society, say too many lives have been taken, too many people live with fear in their homes, too many children are subjected to violence, at what point do we say, no more? We need to stop asking why she stays and instead ask why he batters.

Individuals need to begin taking action as a community of thoughtful, caring, and compassionate people to assist the effort to end domestic violence. Everyone has a staring role; regardless of your expertise, life experience or interest, you have something to offer the movement to end domestic violence. A good first step is contacting your local domestic violence prevention project to explore a creative way you can help.

Other avenues for change include being responsive to violence in our popular culture. For instance, through two organizations, Hardy Girls Healthy Women and Boys to Men, only four weeks ago, young women and men eloquently spoke out about a graphic children’s T-shirt depicting domestic violence being sold at Kmart stores. To be involved in the movement to end domestic violence, one does not have to be an advocate or an activist, just be someone who believes violent behavior acted upon another is wrong and take a stand.

Together we all have the opportunity to end domestic violence.

Gretchen Ziemer is a member of the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence.