Addiction, recovery are a journey

My substance abuse began when I was about 14 years old. It started with an overnight at a friend’s house with a little drinking – testing the waters. This began a long journey of alcohol and drugs, two broken marriages, children harmed, a number of OUIs and a failed year in the Navy, along with all the other troubles my addictive personality has brought to my family.

I managed to finish high school with few outward problems, although I was always just squeaking by in all my subjects, including sports and other extracurricular activities. I did participate in some sports, mostly track and field, but running was always difficult because of my use of alcohol and drugs. I picked up a cigarette habit, too, of course – they go hand in hand.

Most of all, I cared very little about other people.

By the age of 20, I had managed to get into a relationship with a high school senior, and before I knew it, she was pregnant. I wanted to run. But being raised the way I was, I thought the proper thing to do was to marry her, settle down and raise our family. Wrong! My use of drugs and alcohol was worse than ever and another baby was on the way within two years.

After the birth of my daughter, things were just too much for me to handle. I ran. I just left them. My wife divorced me shortly after that and I pretty much never saw my children again. Today I do have a relationship with them; my son is 30 and my daughter is 28. Her son, my grandson, is 6. Time goes by so quickly, and life is so short.

About a year after I left my wife and children, I joined the Navy, hoping it could “fix” me. During the short year before I was released with a less-than-honorable discharge, I went AWOL three times, hitchhiking from Florida back to Maine. Every trip was drug-related. I was arrested and taken back in handcuffs. I spent time in jail, and I never stopped drinking or using drugs.

When I encountered cocaine, I fell in love with it. Within a few months I was very ill. I had not slept much at all and I lost about 30 pounds. I had run out of money and had nothing left to sell so I couldn’t buy more drugs. I was at my rock bottom. I had two choices: jump out the third-floor window and be done, or ask for help.

There is no doubt in my heart today that God stepped in and made that choice for me. I asked for help and I got it. I went to a 30-day treatment program at Eastern Maine Medical Center in Bangor. There, I dealt with withdrawal and began the process of recovery. This was in May 1984. After I got out I went to an after-care program here on Mount Desert Island for two years. I did volunteer work, helping those in early recovery, and all of this time I attended AA meetings almost every night.

I met my wife of the next 17 years and we had a somewhat normal life, but eventually we divorced and I felt like a failure again. After some other failed relationships, I met a lady on the Internet and I fell in love once again. We moved in together and were married after about five months. After we were married she told me she had a problem with opiates; she was addicted to them. She liked to drink too – almost every night.

Since I was a recovering alcoholic and drug addict myself, you would think that I would have seen the signs, but my addictive personality was ruling my brain. That personality is why, today, I am still hanging on to my relationship with this lady, trying to make it work. She has not used alcohol or opiates for over a year. She used Suboxone to help her get off the opiates, and now she is weaning off the Suboxone.

I also have decided, after 35 years of smoking, to kick my addiction to cigarettes. So far it has been 44 days and I feel great.

Today I have been sober and clean for going on 23 years, but by no means has my addictive personality gone away. I work to keep it in check and every day I try to practice all I’ve learned in AA, NA, Al-Anon and through other self-help groups and therapists along the road to recovery. I ask for help every single day from my Higher Power and I try to be grateful for the life I have been given. I try in any way that I can to help others through the pain of addiction.

Walter Dunton Jr. lives and works on Mount Desert Island.

Please join our weekly conversation about Maine’s substance abuse problem. We welcome stories, comments or questions from all perspectives. Letters may be mailed to Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04401. Send e-mail contributions to findingafix@bangordailynews.net. Column editor Meg Haskell may be reached at (207) 990-8291 or mhaskell@bangordailynews.net.