Money no issue when it comes to spring training

Other than a valentine from Blue Eyes or a letter from John Beresford Tipton (look it up), I got my favorite piece of mail this week – spring-training tickets for the Red Sox games in Fort Myers, Fla.

This is a tradition that started during a cabin-fever-nervous-breakdown in 1993 and has continued virtually every year since.

It is my personal method of shrinking the duration of winter. By the conclusion of the Super Bowl, I have had quite enough of Maine winter, thank you very much.

This is no luxury cruise. I always get the cheapest motel I can find ($65 a night this year, way up from $59 last year) and eat in the room as much as I can. Plus, I sponge off people I know from here to Florida. Three days seems to be the maximum anyone can bear my charming personality.

I noted with great interest the details of the contract of “Dice K,” also known as Daisuke Matsuzaka of Japan, the latest Red Sox savior. That has to be the worst name to spell since Carl Yastrzemski hung them up.

First, they paid $50 million just to talk to the new phenomenon. Then they paid another $50 million to “Dice” to get him to come to Boston and Fort Myers. That, according to my Roslindale High School math, adds up to $100 million.

Think that was enough?

The contract also paid him for no less than eight round trips to Japan.

He also gets a Lincoln Town Car, a personal trainer-massage therapist, a translator and a press aide. He will pocket $500,000 for either the Cy Young or most valuable player award. Don’t laugh.

He also gets a “housing allowance” of $75,000, $35,000 for “moving expenses,”and a whopping $25,000 for spring-training expenses.

I have been going to spring training for more than 10 years.

I bet I haven’t spent $25,000 yet.

It must be an omen that all the motels I stayed in have been bulldozed.

First, the Royal Palm Motel on Cleveland Avenue, the closest motel to the ballpark, was razed. That used to cost $10 per person per night. It was noted for having the smallest swimming pool and the hardest towels in Florida.

It was also noted for bringing tears to the blue eyes of Blue Eyes when she walked into the “bridal suite” at the Palm. Something about the 400 dead flies in the overhead light. We quickly moved.

Then our “luxury hotel,” the Holiday Inn on the river, was torn down to make room for more and more condos. I think the Fort Myers Chamber of Commerce is trying to tell me something.

The actual baseball games do not start until Feb. 28 (Minnesota Twins), so I must be on my way. I will start packing the “new” Mazda (only 250,000 miles) for the trip soon because it takes me three weeks to get there.

First of all I do not fly. I don’t like the idea of flying at 500 miles an hour at 25,000 feet with a pilot I cannot even see.

Instead, I drive, stopping along the way with friends and relatives. First, there is my sister in Norton, Mass,, followed by a (paid) stop in Rocky Mount, N.C. Then there are visits to Rebel John in Charleston, then off to Florida with “Sauce King” Frankie in Palatka, Big John (bigger every year) in Leesburg and Marky Mark in Spring Hill. I will serve as “America’s guest” until Feb. 28 when I arrive in Fort Myers for the first game.

Just thinking about the trip and holding the Red Sox tickets in my hand makes me a little warmer.

I might try to hook up with “Dice K” and show him how to stretch out that $25,000. Too bad the Royal Palm is gone. He could have saved a fortune.

Have a nice winter. Mine is over.

Send complaints and compliments to Emmet Meara at emmetmeara@msn.com.