EDITOR’S NOTE: The 22-year-old author of this week’s column first appeared in Finding a Fix in December 2005, writing from the Aroostook County Jail, where she was being held on the charge of possessing scheduled drugs, a Class C felony.

I’ve been struggling with drug addiction for about eight years now. I’ve been in and out of incarceration for drug-related crimes, including thefts, forgeries and possession of scheduled drugs. I have lost a number of friends to drug overdoses and drug-related suicides. I have neglected my family and friends, including my two daughters, because drugs were more important to me. I’ve been through rehab more than once and I’ve been going to substance abuse counseling on and off since I was 14.

Through all of this, I knew that someday I wanted to live a clean and sober life, but I had no idea when. My self-esteem has always been very low, no matter how it may appear, and I have always felt an emptiness inside me that I couldn’t seem to fill. Using drugs filled that emptiness. They made me numb. I didn’t have to think or feel or worry; all I had to do was get high.

In the beginning, it didn’t seem like a problem, but as my addiction progressed I found myself feeling worse and worse about who I was becoming and what I was doing with my life. The worse I felt, the more I used, and the worse I felt. It was a never-ending cycle.

Each time I got arrested, I’d have a little time to clear my mind and realize what I was doing to myself and to those who cared about me, but it wasn’t enough to make me stop. Whether I was locked up for one month or six months or more, it didn’t matter. I always went back to the same thing. I would say what I had to so everyone would think I had changed, but deep down I knew I was lying. I was constantly trying to fill that emptiness in my heart, and getting high was the only way I knew.

In 2005, I spent eight months in jail for possession of heroin. I thought I had it all figured out. I’d go home clean and my life would be perfect. As I am writing this, I am incarcerated at the Maine Correctional Center in Windham serving a 14-month sentence. When I was released from jail on probation in December 2005, it wasn’t long before I was back on drugs. I was only free for about five months before my habit caught up to me and I ended up back in jail for failing a drug test. Now I am serving the remainder of my sentence. So much for my perfect life.

Do I want to live a sober life when I get out? Yes, I do – more than anything. I want my kids to have a sober mom who is there for them whenever they may need me. I want to be a good daughter, sister, friend, etc. What makes this time different? I no longer lie to myself.

Of course, I still have the urge to use drugs, but I have to remember where it has gotten me. Getting clean and staying clean may be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but it’s also the most important. It all seems so overwhelming at times and there are definitely times when I want to give up, but I remind myself that using drugs has only made my problems worse in the long run. I am a perfect example of the result of drug addiction, but I can also be the perfect example of someone who overcomes it.

I no longer have that emptiness inside me. I have found enjoyment in things other than drugs. Even though I’m in prison, I’m happy. I’m happy because I now know who I am and I have so many things to be grateful for. I have two beautiful daughters, a wonderful, supportive family, and real friends. I have my life. It may not be perfect, but it’s worth living.

Am I scared to face the world again? Of course, but I know my heart is in the right place. For once in my life, I truly believe I am on the right track. As far gone as I was at one point, I never lost hope, and that is what has pulled me through.

To those of you struggling with addiction – don’t lose hope; take it one day at a time. Same for the families of addicts: Don’t lose hope; be there for your loved one who is struggling and let them know you care. It’s not an easy road to travel, but it is passable. And the further you go, the easier it gets. It can be done.

Kara Heath is an inmate at the Maine Correctional Center in Windham.

Please join our weekly conversation about Maine’s substance abuse problem. We welcome stories, comments or questions from all perspectives. Letters may be mailed to Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04401. Send e-mail contributions to findingafix@bangordailynews.net. Column editor Meg Haskell may be reached at 990-8291 or mhaskell@bangordailynews.net.