Latest round of ‘Idol’ hopefuls like fingernails on a chalkboard

Enough is enough and I can’t keep my mouth shut any longer. What happened to “American Idol”?

The Man on the Couch has declared this season the “Biggest Loser” of “Idol” and we both shake our heads in disbelief every “(Worst) American Idol” night that these are the best music hopefuls our country has to offer.

While some have melodious voices, none appear to have the whole package – the look, the sound, the presence – like the favorites of the past. To be honest, I’ve heard better drunken karaoke than anything Fox has had to offer lately.

Even Brandon Rogers, who forgot his words last week and was voted off, should have stuck around light-years longer than Sanjaya Malakar – a cross between Michael Jackson and Richard Simmons.

But there might be a reason for Malakar’s apparent popularity, according to a posting Tuesday on MTV.com.

Sirius Satellite shock jock Howard Stern is promoting the wanna-be star’s success in the competition, who has been encouraging listeners to “vote in jest for the first contestant of Indian descent to make it into the show’s top 12.”

A Web site that laughs in the face of reality TV, www.VotefortheWorst.com, also is encouraging support for Malakar, who has been compared to previous “Idol” calamities such as William Hung.

Let’s just hope we make it through the season, crown an idol (no matter how horrible they may be) and move on to a new round of contestants. They’re not all bad, but to be considered an icon of American music, I think the few who stand out are going to have to kick it into high gear.

On a more positive note, I’ve found myself enthralled with ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars,” and not because I’m waiting to see if Heather Mills’ leg comes flying off.

I’ve always wanted to swing dance in my own uncoordinated way, despite the fact that I dropped out of ballet and tap as a little girl. After all, doesn’t everyone deserve to get swept off their feet once in a while without ever leaving the comfort of their living room.

I can’t imagine every man wanting to be stuffed into a Lycra jumpsuit and patent leather shoes, but every girl I know searches for any chance to don a ball gown and stilettos and be swirled in circles on stage.

Tune in for round two Monday at 8 p.m.