For once, I’m speechless. After watching the first elimination on Tuesday night’s “Dancing With the Stars,” I found myself unable to change the channel, yet shocked that what I was watching really had made it to ABC.

The Man on the Couch also was troubled, but we both found ourselves curious and glued to see who the audience would select as the two finalists on “The Great American Dream Vote.”

For once, it wasn’t host Donny Osmond that I wanted off the screen (though I think he must be hard up for work). It wasn’t even the premise of the show that I found appalling. It was the dreams that people had.

Let me back up.

The idea behind “The Great American Dream” is for eight contestants to share their lifelong dream with the live audience and at-home viewers. Then, each pleads their case as to why their dream should come true.

Two people with similar dreams compete against one another and the studio audience has the final vote as to which of the two make it to the final four.

There were a few sweet dreams, including two sentimental husbands who wanted to do something special for their wives, but overall I was bewildered by the contestant’s wishes.

The first two men, both in their 20s, were balding and wanted a full head of hair. One obvious pageant mom wanted her daughter to become Miss America, while her opponent dreamed of her daughter becoming Miss Rodeo America.

It was the last two that left me the most dazed. A woman wanted to create a basset hound senior center, and her opponent – a chicken petting zoo.

Even scarier, there’s more episodes to come, but not in my house. I’ve been politely, yet bluntly asked by The Man on the Couch that they not be viewed in our house.

Believe it or not, a “Dream” rant was not on the docket for this week’s column.

I was supposed to tell you about the premiere of the new “Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman” is on at 9:30 p.m. Monday on ABC and promises to be an interesting and emotional season.

U.S. Navy Lt. Andy Baldwin is looking for love, and the ladies adore a man in uniform.

I also was planning to let you know about Bravo’s latest called “Shear Genius” that’s scheduled to premiere at 11 p.m. Wednesday, April 11, after the “Top Design” finale. Apparently we’ll have to wait another week and hope that I haven’t found something else to rant about.