In theaters

THE REAPING, directed by Stephen Hopkins, written by Carey W. Hayes and Chad Hayes, 96 minutes, rated R.

If Hilary Swank weren’t dating her agent, which she is, some might advise her to kick him to the curb, which she should. And perhaps someone still might, particularly after seeing the two-time Academy Award-winning actress stumble and slum through the moronic new horror thriller, “The Reaping.”

What was she thinking?

Between the film’s fainting cows (hilarious!), its lice-ridden children (bilious!) and its skies that rain frogs (amphibious!), the big draw here – according to Warner’s marketing campaign – are the computer-generated locusts, which pull an “Exorcist II” on audiences by swarming the screen in flocks of undulating evil. There isn’t a can of Raid big enough to kill these beasts, so one might instead consider turning that can on the movie itself.

From Stephen Hopkins, the film stars Swank as Katherine Winter, a former missionary minister who was so undone by a personal crisis in the Sudan that she ditched her relationship with God in favor of using science to explain away alleged miraculous events. Essentially, she’s a biblical buzz kill.

Now a Louisiana State University professor, Katherine, along with her fellow researcher Ben (Idris Elba), are called upon by Doug Blackwell (David Morrissey) to descend upon Haven, a Louisiana backwater in which the stereotypes run high and the rivers have turned red with blood in the wake a little boy’s murder.

The presumed murderer is the boy’s sister, Loren (AnnaSophia Robb), whose eyes are the size of saucers and who seems fixed in a trance. The townspeople are convinced her act of evil has brought about the 10 biblical plagues, which the film ticks off one by one, with Katherine eventually running out of ways to explain them away. Dampening her spirits is her good friend Father Costigan (Stephen Rea, another fine actor wasted), who believes that Katherine is in grave danger. It takes a mother lode of boils, flies and the appearance of all those locusts to convince her that he might be right.

The trouble with “The Reaping” goes beyond its canned jolts of horror, its lack of logic and coherence, and its one-note performances. By intentionally recalling such superior horror films as “The Omen” and “The Exorcist,” it sets itself up for failure if it doesn’t match their excellence.

That it doesn’t won’t surprise many. Long before the movie hit theaters, advance word on the film was about as good as the mood at the Imus household, and then it got worse – and then somehow worse. Those who pay attention to movies – and to the Web sites devoted to following them from conception to completion – knew that for more than a year, a possible train wreck was headed toward theaters.

Those who felt a tremor last Friday, when the film opened, now have their point of reference.

Grade: D

On DVD

NOTES ON A SCANDAL, directed by Richard Eyre, written by Patrick Marber, 91 minutes, rated R.

The Richard Eyre thriller, “Notes on a Scandal,” stars Judi Dench in one of the cruelest, most isolating roles of her career. Never has she been this daring or edgy.

Her Barbara Covett is a British schoolteacher of a certain age who wields a poisonous wit that’s so cutting, it could come up against the likes of an Evelyn Waugh or a Dorothy Parker, and still draw its share of blood. Barbara views the world as her foil, with those unfortunate enough to wander into her sights apparently there to be devastated and undermined, should she choose to do so.

A good deal of the movie is spent inside Barbara’s barbed mind, which is fitting since so much of it is told from her vicious point of view. When into her life comes the pretty new art teacher Sheba Hart (Cate Blanchett), a young bohemian, married with children, Covett is drawn to her in ways that suggest a kind of sexual stirring.

While writing in her robust diary, she decides they shall become friends, which Sheba innocently encourages. She invites Barbara to her home, where she introduces her to her family, including Sheba’s older husband, Richard (Bill Nighy).

For awhile, all is good until Sheba makes the unbelievably stupid decision to give in to one of her student’s sexual advances. He’s 15-year-old Steven Connolly (Andrew Simpson) and the Monica Lewinsky Sheba pulls on him early in the movie is witnessed by Barbara, who is so hungry for companionship, she realizes that by catching Sheba in this act, she could gain everything by doing nothing.

With their friendship sealed thanks to Barbara’s promise to Sheba that she will say nothing of the affair (“you must, however, end it immediately”), the stage is set for some rather spectacular unraveling, with each actress happily hurling themselves onto a collision course that must end in scandal, as the film’s title notes. Once there, the ending recalls murmurs of “Fatal Attraction” and the histrionics that ensue are charged with the huffing and puffing of melodramatic cheapness – which, in the hands of the Academy Award-nominated Dench and Blanchett, is something to savor, indeed.

Grade: B+

Visit www.weekinrewind.com, the archive of Bangor Daily News film critic Christopher Smith’s reviews, which appear Mondays and Fridays in Lifestyle, weekends in Television as well as on bangordaily

news.com. He may be reached at Christopher@weekin

rewind.com.

The Video/DVD Corner

Akeelah and the Bee – B+

The Ant Bully – B+

Babel – A-

The Black Dahlia – C-

Blood Diamond – C+

Bobby – C-

Borat – B+

Cars – C

Casino Royale – A

Charlotte’s Web – B+

Children of Men – A

Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – A

Clerks II – B+

Crank – B+

The Da Vinci Code – C+

The Departed – A

The Descent – B+

The Devil Wears Prada – B+

The Dirty Dozen Blu-ray – A-

Employee of the Month – C

Enter the Dragon Blu-ray – A

Eragon – C

Everyone’s Hero – C+

Failure to Launch – C-

Fast Food Nation – B-

Flushed Away – B+

Flyboys – C-

Freedomland – C-

Friends with Money – B

The Good Shepherd – B-

The Gridiron Gang – C+

Half Nelson – A-

Happy Feet – A-

A History of Violence – A

The Holiday – C+

Hollywoodland – C

The Illusionist – B+

Infamous – B+

Inside Man – B+

Invincible – B

Jackass Number Two – B

King Arthur Blu-ray – B-

Kinky Boots – B+

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang – B+

Last Holiday – B

The Last King of Scotland – B+

The Libertine – D

Little Miss Sunshine – B+

Lucky Number Slevin – B

The Marine – C+

Match Point – A

Miami Vice – C

Monster House – B+

Munich – A-

My Super Ex-Girlfriend – A-

North Country – C

Notes on a Scandal – B+

The Omen – B-

Open Season – B

Over the Hedge – B

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest – B-

Poseidon – B

A Prairie Home Companion – C

The Prestige – B+

The Pursuit of Happyness – B-

Rocky Balboa – B+

Running with Scissors – C+

Scooby Doo, Where Are You?: Complete Third Season – B

Shakespeare Behind Bars – A-

Sherrybaby – B+

Shut Up & Sing – A-

Slither – B

Snakes On A Plane: A-

Spider-Man 2.1: Unrated Extended Cut – A

Stargate Atlantis: Complete Second Season – B

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby – B

This Film is Not Yet Rated – B-

United 93 – A

Volver – A

Warriors of Heaven and Earth Blu-ray – B-

The Wicker Man – BOMB

World Trade Center – A