In the wake of Monday’s shooting spree at Virginia Tech University, people in Maine and across the country are trying to figure out how to cope with their emotions surrounding a tragedy that occurred hundreds of miles away.

Pastoral counselor Carol Sherman, who has a private practice in Bangor, said Tuesday that it’s normal for people to respond emotionally to such an event.

“It’s absolutely natural and normal, and in fact healthy and human, to have those kinds of reactions,” she said. “We immediately identify with the people who have experienced those tragedies.”

As a mother with a son in college, Sherman said she identified with other parents who suddenly were wondering whether their child was safe.

“Immediately, I realized it could have been at the college where my son is,” Sherman said. “Identification happens quickly and is our connection to empathy.”

That connection happens both with tragedy and with joy, but often is magnified in times of crisis, she explained.

On the other hand, not everyone will feel emotional affects in the aftermath of startling events.

“That doesn’t mean that everyone will be affected,” said Dr. Doug Johnson, director of the University of Maine’s Counseling Center and Peer Education Program. “We all have our ways of coping with news of such tragedies.”

He noted that it’s important for people to pay attention to their reactions, make space for their feelings, and find people they trust to talk with. That could mean a friend, parent, teacher, or counselor.

“I think it’s very important to normalize reactions,” Johnson said. “There’s no one right or wrong feeling to have in relation to this.”

Participating in events, such as vigils and memorials, is a way for people not to feel alone in their grief and frustration or anger.

“One of the ways we find some solace is knowing that we’re not alone and that there are others who share our feelings and have an interest in finding peace … and peaceful coexistence,” Johnson said.

Some members of the UM community participated in a prayer vigil Tuesday afternoon that coincided with the convocation being held at Virginia Tech.

The Drummond Chapel at UM’s Memorial Union was reserved for quiet prayer and reflection. Participants also could write messages on a prayer wall that will be sent at the end of the week to Virginia Tech Ministries.

“The religious leaders on campus have really been trying to make this space more known to students,” Timoth Sylvia, campus minister for the Maine Christian Association at the Wilson Center, said. “Our hope is that this can be … a place for them to get away if they need to.”

In addition to dealing with their own emotions, parents often are faced with the dilemma of how to explain tragic events to their children.

“The difficulty is something like this makes us feel very vulnerable and children feel very vulnerable anyway,” Sherman said. “The fact that this is so random is what makes it difficult for us to reassure our children of any age.”

The most important thing parents can do is to make time to spend with children who have heard about the incident and give them a chance to talk about their feelings.

“Tell a younger school-aged child that the individual who did this was very sick and probably very angry and is no longer a danger to anyone,” Sherman said.

On a more personal note, Sherman said it’s times like this that she reflects on her own life and those important to her.

“It reminds me, once again, of how important it is to let people know we love them, [to] let our kids know we love them,” she said. “Something like this is so random and so sudden and it lets us know life is unpredictable and it’s just incredibly important for us to express our love for the people around us each and every day.”

UM plans memorials for shooting victims

What: Wall of Concern for the University of Maine campus community to express care and concern for those at Virginia Tech University. At the end of the week, the wall will be mailed to Virginia Tech.

When: All week

Where: Memorial Union

What: Catholic Mass for Peace & Social Justice in remembrance of victims of violence at Virginia Tech followed by supper.

When: Tonight at 5

Where: The Newman Center, 83 College Ave., Orono

What: Memorial Gathering and Moment of Silence for entire UM campus that will include a short program of speakers and a chance for participants to express their thoughts. The event will be followed by break-out sessions with members of the UM Counseling Center staff and campus ministry representatives.

When: 3 p.m. Thursday, April 19

Where: UM Memorial Union Bangor Room