First of all, let me comment on the fine column by Pat Walsh (Finding a Fix, April 5). I had no idea Finding a Fix existed until I read the latest installment – how great!

I, too, am a recovering alcoholic. Basically, I am what Pat described in her column – a “binge drinker.” Binge drinkers may be the most problematic and dangerous types of drinkers. Some of us can go months or years without a drink, but when we take that first drink, it’s like a flame that explodes, and we can’t stop.

I have tried numerous times to drink “normally.” For instance, I was sober for three years and then decided to have a drink; all hell broke loose. After that binge, I ended up detoxing in the hospital, which always seems to be my only way to stop.

I actually wrote a paper for my master’s degree in cognitive psychology on my thought process in taking that first drink after three years of sobriety. I was working on my master’s at Goddard College and employed at a Bangor substance abuse center as an associate counselor. My goal was to be a licensed drug and alcohol counselor in Maine.

Nevertheless, I went on that binge after three years of sobriety! People asked why, and the only answer is that my urges and cravings at the time were too strong to control. In any event, I lost my job for coming to work intoxicated that morning. I headed for Machias to visit the girl I was seeing at the time – but I never made it. I got pulled over for operating under the influence. Two weeks later, I got another OUI in same place. Two OUIs in two weeks! I remember lying in bed at the Washington Country Jail for violating my bail with the second OUI. I was detoxing – sick and shaking so bad, I didn’t know if I would make it.

I lost my job, my driver’s license and my girlfriend because of that binge. I had no one to blame but myself. I was going to drop out of school until a friend of mine who had been in recovery with 11 years of sobriety said, “Chuck, whatever you do, don’t drop out of school!”

So I continued with school despite the difficult circumstances. Did this stop me from bingeing? In truth, I have relapsed a few times since then. But I am sober today, which counts. I actually finished my master’s and am now working on my doctorate in educational psychology. Currently, I am a teaching assistant at the University of Maine at Machias.

I just started a small landscaping business and have been doing well financially. I have been without my driver’s license for a while and still have a few years before I can drive again. People always ask how I make ends meet. I say it’s easy; if I stay sober, I can meet any goal I set.

Like Pat, I have used diet and exercise for many years to help support my sobriety.

I know I can never be a social drinker. Sobriety is my focus.

Chuck Rayner lives in Sullivan. Join our weekly conversation about Maine’s substance abuse problem. We welcome stories, comments or questions from all perspectives. Letters may be mailed to Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04401. Send e-mail contributions to findingafix@bangordailynews.net. Column editor Meg Haskell may be reached at 990-8291 or mhaskell@bangordailynews.net.