I don’t know who won the Miss Universe Pageant on Monday night, but I know who didn’t. Miss Sweden didn’t. She withdrew from the competition, stating that the folks in her country think the criteria by which the winner is chosen fail to represent today’s women.

Spokespersons for the pageant couldn’t disagree more; it seems they think that 78 – scratch that – 77 women qualify as “intelligent, well-mannered and cultured,” based on how they look in their bikinis.

Well, that may be true, but it doesn’t make them today’s women. An article in the current Fitness Magazine says that only 8 percent of women are happy with the way their bodies look. Additionally, 18 percent of women surveyed said that they would rather go to the dentist than put on a bathing suit.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m plenty vain myself. I’m not proud of it, but I’m afflicted by it. I’d be a hypocrite to condemn the shallow Miss Universe contest considering I’ve never made a television appearance without make-up.

Some folks might be surprised to learn that Donald Trump, the owner of the Miss Universe franchise, isn’t so one-dimensional and believes in equality among the sexes. Don’t take my word for it; it says so on his Web site.

The Donald himself, when asked if women should consider being stay-at-home moms or remain in the work force to safeguard against unfair treatment, blogged that “It’s often difficult for women to return to the work force after being gone for a few years. Unfortunately, factors such as ageism, sexism and even resentment come into play… women, make sure you’re aware of the consequences if you decide to quit your job.”

Wow, what a guy. And we can trust his word because Trump seems to know a thing or two about both ageism and sexism.

Now owning a contest and making money when virtually naked women compete based on their looks doesn’t necessarily make him a sexist. And having contestants young enough to be his grand-daughters doesn’t necessarily make him an ageist. But you have to admit, he’s an authority on resentment.

See, last year Rosie O’Donnell started co-hosting “The View,” and the ratings went through the roof – not because O’Donnell’s gorgeous or young, but because she’s witty and smart.

One day Rosie made the mistake of criticizing Trump when he waved the morals clause for Miss USA 2006 (the aforementioned “well-mannered and cultured” guarantee) and Trump responded with sexist attacks on Rosie’s appearance: “This woman is totally out of control. I’m worth billions of dollars, and I have to listen to this fat slob?”

Trump even bragged, “I said, ‘You’d better be careful or I’ll send one of my friends over to take your girlfriend!’ I imagine it would be pretty easy to take her girlfriend away, considering how Rosie looks.”

Considering how Rosie looks. Sigh.

Now I don’t expect you to quit watching “The View” or “The Apprentice” or the Miss Universe Pageant just because Donald Trump is an insincere, misogynistic slimeball who gets high ratings and an inflated income from insulting and exploiting women. No, go ahead, enjoy! But augment your fascination with this preposterous man by supporting the women around you.

Maine Labor Department statistics state that 56 percent of people living in poverty are women. One third of Maine households headed by single moms are under the poverty line. The real women of today, of whom Miss Sweden spoke, need your help.

So girls, every time you buy makeup or a fantastic pair of impractical shoes – and fellas, every time you get one of those magazines that glorifies the feminine physique – send ten percent of the purchase price to a charity that truly supports women. The whole woman, not just what hangs out of her bathing suit!

I can think of dozens, but one charity comes to mind. It combats the ills of income disparity, it helps women start their own businesses and it trains them to overcome barriers to success. It’s called Maine Centers for Women Work and Community.

They teach classes year round, with some starting right now in your area. Go to womenworkandcommunity.org to register or donate.

Pat LaMarche, a former Green candidate for governor and for vice president, can be contacted at PatLaMarche@hotmail.com.