Call Martha Stewart and hold the testosterone, because my girls are coming home for the summer. Oops, make that “women,” because that is what they are now, women – full-blooded, full-bodied, full of themselves, smart and sassy, opinionated and passionate, adults in their own rights. I better be on my toes, because a dad who forgets that “Daddy’s little girls” aren’t little, aren’t girls and don’t belong to anybody any more, could be in big trouble.

To get ready for a house full of women I am working on my list of father Do’s and Don’ts that have gotten a tad rusty with daughters away. For you dads about to have your daughters coming home from college and elsewhere, here is a partial list of ways to stay out of big trouble when these young women come home to roost for a while.

. Do not use the new issue of Bride Magazine to weigh down some boards you have been gluing together unless you want your latest issue of Fine Homebuilding used to soak up the dog’s accident. Also, when the women are all gathered on the couch “oohing” and “aahhing” over some bridesmaid dress collection in it, do not walk by rolling your eyes, or you will discover just one of the dangers Bride Magazine poses for men; this generation of women knows how to throw accurately and hard, and Bride Magazine hurled from 5 feet away could fracture your insensitive male skull;

. Speaking of the couch, do remember that a trio of women sitting together on the couch have achieved a unity of purpose and kinship like that of a pride of lionesses on the hunt, and are even more dangerous. To whit, when they are sitting there watching their favorite romantic movie and are gaga over the male lead in the film, do not suggest he is ugly or changes girlfriends more often than socks. If you ignore my advice on this, you will be verbally hunted down, gutted, and hung from the rafters in about two seconds flat. While you wonder what just happened, they will already be back on the couch agreeing how few real men there are in this world, and rewinding the movie to catch what they missed because your ego could not take the competition;

. Remember to beware of the women in your house silently looking at you with smiles when you arrive home. If it’s just one when you come through the door, it could mean anything. If two look and smile at you, then right before you arrived they were discussing something they are nervous about telling you. If three, they are about to ask you to do something for them that meets their definition of “guy job,” such as killing the large spider near the porch door, cleaning the dog poops up off the lawn so they can sunbathe, or fetching the chick flick they want to watch on the TV from the movie rental store;

. Don’t forget that a nail gun left by the sink in the bathroom is an invitation to some vengeful woman to paint the nail gun trigger with hot pink nail polish, and remember this the next time before you say you like her Martha Stewart Living magazine because three issues can be stacked up for use as a chock under a back tire of the car while you work under it;

. Do your toilet seat calisthenics several times each day – put it up, then put it DOWN, put it up, then put it DOWN, that’s the way, and never forget it is a woman’s inherited right to have the seat left down at all times. If you have the urge to argue this point, see the reference to lionesses above.

. Speaking of stupid moves, do not forget that while the word “Fine” means “Yes, that’s ok with me” to men, it rarely means that to women. Learn all female meanings of the word “Fine,” as there are several hundred in the universal language of women, each depending on the tone, inflection, context, and look on the face of the woman. In women-speak, rarely is one of those meanings “Yes, that’s OK with me.” If the lips say “Fine” but her look would strip the hide off a bull alligator, ignore the lips;

. Don’t assume you can win arguments with them the way you used to, or know more than they do about complex current events. These women are wired to the world, and their passions are no longer passing fancies. When they bring up the issue of genocide in Darfur, for example, they probably know more about it than you do, feel more strongly about it than you do and their opinions are not to be trifled with. They will forgive you for a lot, and they will always be your children, but they expect you to remember they are now adults;

. To that point, by the time they are 20 where they go at night is their business, and the right response to the news they are going out with friends at 10 p.m. is not, “Isn’t it a little late to be going out?”, “Where are you going?”, or “Be home by midnight,” but rather “Have fun and be safe.” If they grew up well, and your voice of wisdom is permanently implanted in their heads, they will be all right, and you do not want to know what they are up to all of the time. Also, don’t wait up – you are too old be staying up that late any more;

. Do bask in every moment of their presence, and discover what a blast a good relationship with your adult children can be if you are smart and lucky enough to have that. Suck up some of their youth, their energy, some of that naivete they have that makes them still think everything is possible, and then each moment with them will be a sip from the Fountain of Youth. Feel their presence fill your home and heart again, and enjoy it all while you can. For though it would seem it should be otherwise, neither they nor you will always be home for the summer.

Erik Steele, D.O., a physician in Bangor, is chief medical officer of Eastern Maine Healthcare Systems and is on the staff of several hospital emergency rooms in the region.