Pity the poor dad. Always getting the shaft. Nowhere is this point more eloquently demonstrated than in these familiar childhood song lyrics: “Let the sun shine in, take it with a grin, mothers never lose and fathers never win.”

To add insult to injury, we, the ingrate children of the world, insist on celebrating Father’s Day with the ceremonial offering of ties. And slippers. And Old Spice.

When was the last time you saw a guy get excited over Old Spice? Seriously, kids. We can do better than this.

Having grown up in a household where ties weren’t considered acceptable gifts, I have plenty of experience in choosing thoughtful, unique and utterly perfect presents for Father’s Day. Actually, my dad still complains, even when the gift in question is just right. But as I mentioned before, fathers never win.

Still, the right token of your affection may just make dear old dad feel like he just won the World Series. Take, for instance, the supercool Ballpark Cufflinks from RedEnvelope.com. Made with sterling silver and portions of wooden stands from some of the country’s most historic parks – Fenway included – there’s no way you can strike out with these. ($150-$230, Redenvelope.com).

Not feeling so flush? No biggie. Give Dad a big shout-out – can you say, “Boo-Yah”? – with magnets that play the theme song from ESPN’s “SportsCenter.” God, I love these so much I want one for myself. Ditto for the travel mug that says, “A morning without coffee is like a night without SportsCenter” ($6 and $12, respectively, at Hallmark Gold Crown stores). But my ESPN addiction is a story for another column. For this column, the story in “ESPN Ultimate NASCAR” might be just the thing to get Dad’s motor running. It costs $29.95 at bookstores.

If zipping around in a golf cart is more his speed, check out the Golf Launchpad, which allows Dad to play 800 different courses in the comfort of his living room – even on a rainy day. He’ll need a PS2 or a computer, too, but the simulator measures the club-head speed, path and angle of Dad’s swing and translates it onto his TV using EA Sports’ Tiger Woods PGA Tour software. It’s available at Best Buy, Target and Wal-Mart, and costs $199 for PS2 and $249 for PC/Macintosh versions.

After 30-plus years of research, I’ve determined that my father wants nothing to do with stock car racing. He’d rather chill on the patio with a frosty beer, soaking up the sun. So I know he’d love the director’s chair at World Over Imports. This canvas beauty has a table on one side and pockets on the other for, say, sunscreen, shades, binoculars and whatever else strikes Dad’s fancy.

Why not add to the fun with Reef’s Mick Fanning flip-flops? The best part is, they have a bottle opener built into the sole – perfect for the beach or the lake. Reef products are sold at Epic Sports, Journeys and Pac Sun in Bangor, and Cadillac Mountain Sports and The Grasshopper Shop in Ellsworth.

Let’s say your father likes to tinker in the wood shop. Or, he might be one of those guys who mows the lawn four times a week. Protect his ears from all that noise – and let him enjoy his favorite tunes – with Work Tunes hearing protectors. They look like headphones and come in two models: One with an AM/FM stereo ($55.95), the other with all that plus an MP3 player hookup ($59.59). I found them at Parks Hardware in Orono.

Want a gift that will really be music to your Dad’s ears? Check out the Mondo Mint Sound System. The setup includes a wireless dock that will stream music from your MP3 player to speakers up to 100 feet away. Plus, it uses components from Peerless, Aura and Texas Instruments to ensure high sound quality. The best part? You don’t need an electrical engineering degree to set it up. ($349, www.mondo-usa.com)

All this might just be enough make Dad sing a new tune: “Fathers always win.”