In theaters

LICENSE TO WED, directed by Ken Kwapis, written by Kim Barker, Tim Rasmussen and Vince Di Meglio, 101 minutes, rated PG-13.

The real license audiences should be handed upon walking into the new Ken Kwapis movie, “License to Wed,” is the license to walk out, complete with a full refund for the cost of the ticket and an apology from the film’s studio, Warner Bros., who approved this spit-and-paste bilge long before it unraveled in theaters.

From Kim Barker, Tim Rasmussen and Vince Di Meglio’s script, this junk romantic comedy is about as dumb as it gets. That’s hardly new for Hollywood, which long has been intimate with stupidity, but here the disdain for audiences is so great, it’s impossible to let it pass without taking it to task itself.

The film stars Mandy Moore and John Krasinski as Sadie and Ben, two grinning lovebirds who meet at Starbucks, fall for each other over the coffee beans, and who then agree to marry when Ben pops the question at Sadie’s parents’ anniversary party.

Enter the Rev. Frank (Robin Williams), a creep of the first order who has been in Sadie’s life since she was a child and who agrees to officiate her marriage to Ben, though not without a hitch.

What the good reverend proposes is his specially designed pre-marriage counseling course, which is meant to suck the air out of what should be a joyous time and instead crush it with a string of difficulties, all meant to mirror the presumed hell that is married life.

Frank’s thinking is this. If Ben and Sadie can survive his bizarre boot camp, they should be able to survive marriage. As such, he immediately puts the kibbutz on sex – there will be none of that, thank you – going so far as to bug their apartment to make certain there is no canoodling. Later, he saddles them with fake infants who shriek and cry so incessantly, they alone could turn Angelina Jolie off children forever.

The film’s cynicism isn’t just an irritant, it’s the monster in the room. Presumably, Frank’s meddling is meant to make Ben and Sadie a stronger couple, but really, it’s only there to tear them apart so the movie can enjoy a cloying scene of reconciliation. As for the acting, the lot of it is phoned in – and not from something as appealing as the new iPhone.

Watching “License to Wed,” you can’t help wondering what it could have been in the hands of a gifted filmmaker like Christopher Guest. Inspired by the fact that churches do indeed offer prep courses on marriage, the director of “This is Spinal Tap” and “Best in Show” likely would have parodied the idea, sending it up with affection and finding within the premise a smart, revealing movie about marriage and the church that was funny, not cruel.

Since Kwapis doesn’t possess such finesse, what we get instead is wholesale crap dumped into summer’s “bargain” bin.

Grade: BOMB