This is a column that has been nine months in the making. Well, 81/2 months, to be exact. I’ve been waiting, anxiously. Nurturing it as it grew. In its first trimester, this was nothing more than a gestational ode to a stylish sling. In trimester two, it started to really look like a column. By the third trimester, it was ready to burst.

Just like my best friend, Monique, who is, as she likes to say, “great with child.”

I think she’s great without child, but that’s beside the point. Since she made the big announcement, I’ve been getting up in the middle of the night with strange shopping cravings. Rather than trolling eBay for Citizens of Humanity jeans and cut-rate purses, I’m all about the baby, baby.

So without further ado, here’s what to expect when your best friend’s expecting:

Don’t expect her to reveal the sex of the baby. In my case, this is fine, because Monique’s favorite color is green. And she likes frogs.

Do expect to ask a lot of cryptic questions, such as: “Can you send me the measurement from your hip to your shoulder?” Otherwise, you won’t be able to order a chic, fitted sling – one that doesn’t make your BFF look like a BSH (bountifully swaddled hippie). I recommend the reversible offerings from Sprout Pouch, www.sproutpouch.com.

Do expect to laugh. A lot. If you’ve never had a baby before, such products as the Pee Pee Teepee, used during diaper changing, are a hoot. Or a Hooter Hider, as the case may be. Monique introduced me to this nursing screen, which also is sold under the more tame Bebe Au Lait label, (www.bebeaulait.com).

Don’t expect to hold yourself back, because baby goodies are so cute that it’s easy to justify spending $35 on a night light, even if you wouldn’t spend that much on a pair of jeans. That’s what I did at Cherished Home in Belfast, where the Twilight Turtle caught my eye. It looks like a toy and lights up to cast constellations on the ceiling. While you’re there, check out the heirloom quality clothing and toys selected by “General Hospital’s” own Genie Francis, the store’s owner.

Do expect to find really cool Maine-made items. While trolling the fabulous offerings at Yo Mamma’s Home in Belfast, I couldn’t resist the sleek diaper clutch from the city’s own Annie Frannie’s ($34.95). It looks like a purse and acts like a diaper bag, which is perfect for a classy mama. At Molly’s in Winterport and The Grasshopper Shop in Bangor, I gooed and gahhed over cozy fleece jackets and buntings made by Susa’s Creations of Blue Hill.

Do expect little ones to be drawn to bright, odd-looking things. Case in point: Taggies. This innovative line started with blankets that have tags sticking off the sides and evolved to include toys and clothing. I bought a blanket months ago for my new-mom pal Julie, and her son hasn’t taken it out of his mouth since. It’s available at The Grasshopper Shop in Bangor and Ruth Foster’s in Ellsworth.

Do expect to find a stylish diaper bag. They’re out there. You just have to search. I found a great selection, including a few that were suitable for guys, at The Grasshopper Shop for around $65 each. If you shop online, do expect to find bags with ridiculous names, such as Petunia Pickle Bottom and Storksak.

Do expect to find nice, gently used baby clothes, high chairs and toys at consignment stores. The Kids Shoppe in Veazie, The Growing Place in Bangor and Nana’s Merry Go Round in Searsport are a few local favorites.

Don’t expect me to buy a breast pump. Enough said.

Do expect to think outside the registry box. Sure, she needs a high chair and a hefty dose of diapers, but she wants something that shows thought and originality. For one-of-a-kind gifts, check out Jane Alden in Lincolnville, which carries affordable, poster-size prints of children’s book art as well as custom oil paintings that can be personalized with baby’s name. Perfect for the nursery.

Do expect the unexpected. Chances are, shops that you already love have a small selection of baby-specific items. At The Meadow in Blue Hill, I found a great selection of books, silver rattles and other treasures. Ditto for the aforementioned Yo Mamma’s. In Bangor, Metropolitan Soul has beautifully painted potty-training chairs that look like regular kids’ furniture ($73), as well as the cutest crocheted animal caps ($16.50).

Don’t expect to leave any children’s store empty-handed. At Jane Alden, I had to have the washcloths printed with French phrases and a Zutano sun hat for my niece or nephew-to-be. At Ruth Foster’s, I could’ve bought everything, especially the chic, boldly graphic hoodies from Elegant Baby. I experienced baby overload at The Grasshopper Shop – do I buy Robeez (soft leather shoes that are good for toddlers)? How about a swaddler, which helps baby get to sleep? At Molly’s, toys, books and more Zutano clothes lured me in. It’s overwhelming, I tell you.

But it’s fun. Over the last nine months, I’ve realized that being mom’s best friend is the perfect setup, really: none of the hankerings for pickles and ice cream, none of the ankle swelling or morning sickness. And all of the shopping.

A girl could get used to this aunt business.

ShopGirl would love to hear from you! Send questions, comments or suggestions by e-mail to: kandresen@bangordailynews.net, by U.S. mail to Kristen Andresen, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04402-1329, or by fax to 941-9476. For exclusive online shopping tips, click on the ShopBlog icon on the bottom of the BDN home page: bangordailynews.com.