I love words. As a writer, that’s a good thing, right? But, as a writer, I’m also aware of the power of words.

My sister and I have been writing together for nearly 20 years. Before the advent of e-submissions (and rejections), I’d say we’re probably responsible for a small forest’s worth of rejection letters. We’re making progress, though. Instead of the “Dear Author, …” form rejection, we’re getting personal responses now. Still no big acceptance, but at least it’s “Dear Judith and Brenda, …”

Surprisingly, some of the kindest rejections have come from secular publishers who took the time to make thoughtful comments and offer helpful suggestions on marketing our material. One of the most callous rejections, however, came from a Christian house. The publisher had written (in red ink, no less!) on our original submission letter: “Why would I even want to get to know any of these people?” How rude! Did he never read Ephesians 4:15 ” … speaking the truth in love …”? He could have fallen back on the standard, “Thanks for your submission, but this doesn’t fit in with our guidelines …,” or any other number of pat rejection responses. He should have known better. Or maybe he did know better, but should’ve done better.

When I was growing up, parents touted the phrase “Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words can never harm me” to their children. But it’s not true. We all know that words can hit harder than a fist, and verbal abuse is on the rise.

Whatever happened to, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything”? I used to ask my Sunday school kids, “If Jesus was sitting beside you, would you say that? … do that? … go there?” They’d hem and haw and give me a, “Well, no, but … ” and I’d hit them with the zinger, “Guess what; He is beside you, everywhere you are.”

It’s a sobering truth, but one easily forgotten in the heat of a battle of words. If I had a penny for every thoughtless word I let fly from my lips, I’d be set for life. James likens the power of the tongue to that of a ship’s rudder – small, but mighty enough to turn a monstrous boat; and a horse’s bit – tiny, but able to control a huge animal. In James 3:10 we’re told, “Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.” (King James Version)

Why is it so easy to see faults in others, and feel free to criticize and condemn them, yet fail to recognize the very same ones in ourselves? Are we too close to the problem? My father says we were given two ears and only one mouth for a reason: twice as much listening, half as much talking. Another adage goes “21 days a habit to break; 21 days a habit to make.” If everyone got into the habit of saying something nice, every day, even only once a day, it would surely help make the world a better place.

Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” I remember working in a busy ophthalmologist’s office many years ago. Several patients had been fitted in between regular appointments during the afternoon, and, as 5 o’clock approached, there were still a number of people in the waiting room. We were in for a long haul. The doctor buzzed back and forth between exam rooms, dictating into his handheld recorder as he went from patient to patient. On one of his trips past the office door, he stuck his head in and said, “I’m so grateful to you ladies for being here. I surely couldn’t handle it all without your help.”

All of a sudden the atmosphere in the office lightened. Where just moments ago the three of us had been bemoaning the overtime, now we became a flurry of positive activity, and all because of a few kind words, fitly spoken.

I’m a collector of motivational sayings. On my desk I have: “People may not remember exactly what you did .., or what you said … but they will always remember how you made them feel.” I agree with that, except what you say may have a direct impact on how you make them feel. On my personal stationery I have, “Speak kind words and you will hear kind echoes.” The Bible puts it even better: “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man” (KJV).

That’s definitely a golden apple.

Brenda Norris is assistant Sunday school leader and choir director at the West Lubec Methodist Church. She may be reached via bdnreligion@bangordailynews.net. Voices is a weekly commentary by Maine people who explore issues affecting spirituality and religious life.