There is a sign with a not-so-subtle message on the side wall of the back workshop in one of Bangor’s fine stone-cutting and engraving businesses. It reads, “Be kind to your children – they get to choose your nursing home.”

Finding and choosing the right nursing home for a loved elder family member is not always easy, and the family members to whom this important responsibility falls are justifiably concerned that they make the right choice. A few tips provided here might help decision-makers for this important part of life’s journey and give them more confidence that they have acted in the best interests of their family member and the family as a whole.

With the tsunami-sized tidal wave of the baby boomer generation pushing into their 70s and beyond, the pace of referrals and placements to nursing facilities is rising greatly on that tide of humanity. Demand is high and supply is tight. Quality varies widely among nursing home providers.

Hospitals are also under the gun to discharge patients as soon as possible to meet the burgeoning needs of limited medical resources. Often they are interested in discharging a patient quickly, giving the family little time to facilitate the implementation of a hospital’s discharge plan. Here it is important for the lead family member to assert their rights. One of those rights is to appeal the hospital’s decision for an early discharge. There are appeal rights under Medicare that should give you more time to scour the countryside to find an adequate nursing home setting. To learn more about these rights, call 800-MEDICARE.

There are local agencies that can assist in the process. You do not have to go it alone. Eastern Maine Agency on Aging and other social service agencies can be very helpful in navigating the hoops and pitfalls in this process. Call them. They can help.

There is help online. Consumer Reports has a spectacular Web site on quality of nursing homes and lists the good and the bad by name. Yes, for the full list you will need to subscribe, but this may be one of the best investments that you make this year. There is also within this site a panoply of very good advice and guidance for decision-makers. Consumer Reports – it’s not just for used cars anymore.

Eyes on is always the best way to evaluate a nursing home. Visit often and at different times of the day. Drop in without announcement. Look for signs of good care and compliment it. Look for signs of neglect or abuse and get to the bottom of it in as positive a way as possible. Bridge burning in this patient-service issue should be avoided.

Read the nursing home report card. Each state regulates, inspects and licenses nursing home facilities. Ask the administrative staff to see their report card for the past three or four surveys and ask questions. What are the deficiencies listed? How serious are they to the core patient quality care?

Get to know the administrative staff. These are the key leaders of a facility. Be positive. Listen closely. Social services and resident activities coordinators should be included in this group. While we are at it, also focus on dietary leadership as well. How focused is the staff on high-quality, sanitary and good-tasting food? Develop and maintain the best and most positive relationships possible with these folks.

Look at the financial aspects of placement, including what happens when the patient’s personal resources are spent down. Does the facility accept Medicaid? What is the ratio of private-pay patients to the total population of the home?

Nursing home selection and placement can be one of life’s toughest challenges. Do the research. Reach out for help. Monitor your choices. Be kind to yourself and don’t get bogged down with the guilt that often accompanies this process. With hard work, diligence, research and persistence, loved ones can spend their golden years in a golden environment in the sunset years of their life. Maine senior care – the way life should be.

Consumer Forum is a collaboration of the Bangor Daily News and Northeast CONTACT, Maine’s membership-funded nonprofit consumer organization. Individual membership costs $25; business rates start at $125 (0-10 employees). For help and information write: Consumer Forum, Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04402-1329.