Family meetings focus on care of relative

There is nothing quite like a big family. Glean from that statement what you will but if your family is like most, they are simultaneously very well-loved and exasperatingly challenging. Nevertheless, family meetings may be a necessity if you are the caregiver for an aging parent.

“Every family member should stay informed about any care-giving issues,” said Dottie VanHorn, family caregiver resource specialist at EAA. “It’s easier to deal with a crisis or with on-going issues if everyone is in the loop. Family meetings are a way to do that.”

VanHorn offers some tips for holding successful meetings:

. Agree on who may attend. Some families limit the meeting to parents and children only. Other families will include aunts, uncles, family friends, in-laws and ex-laws. A good practice is to include everyone who will be a part of making the decisions.

. Choose a meeting time and location that works for everyone. Neutral ground may be best, such as a conference room at a hospital, senior center or school.

. Don’t use the meeting time as a power play. Sentences that begin, “If they really loved Mom, they’d …” never end well.

. Have a time limit for the meeting and an agenda. Stick to it. This prevents people from going off on tangents and wasting time.

. Send important information in advance to all who will be attending.

. Have child care available so that small children will not be a distraction.

. Have a moderator and someone assigned to take minutes for the meeting. Or use a tape recorder. Write down issues that aren’t on the agenda, with the agreement that they’ll be discussed at a later meeting.

. And finally, let every person speak. Listen respectfully and actively, don’t just bide your time waiting for your turn.

“It’s also important to remember that equitable contributions are not always equal,” said VanHorn. “For example, one family member may spend more time doing day-to-day care. Another may accept a larger part of the financial responsibility. Yet another may do shopping, take the person to appointments or provide respite. Let go of family rivalries or unresolved conflicts with the person you’re caring for. And if you need professional help, get it.”

Although getting family meetings off the ground may be a challenge, the result of having everyone aware of the needs of their loved one is worth it, added VanHorn.

“Family meetings are the perfect way for family members to make a contribution toward caregiving without any one person bearing an undue burden. Sometimes families end up with closer relationships from coming together and working toward a common goal for a loved one,” she said.

Remember, Eastern Agency on Aging’s family caregiver program is here to help you while you care for your loved one.

VanHorn has scheduled a variety of “Lunch Bunch Presentations” at Meals for ME dining rooms in the area. Topics include: advance directives, emergency planning, eating right to keep your mind sharp and different types of fraud, such as investment, home improvement and identity theft. Also on tap: how to communicate with your health care provider and family, and how to take charge of your medications. This is but a sampling of the topics VanHorn will share with Meals for ME diners.

If you are interested in knowing more, call your local Meals for ME dining room or call EAA at 941-2865.

Carol Higgins is director of communications at EAA. To reach Carol Higgins, e-mail chiggins@eaaa.org. For more information on EAA, call 941-2865, toll-free 800-432-7812, e-mail info@eaaa.org or visit www.eaaa.org. TTY: 992-0150.