The story you are about to read is fact, not fiction. It recounts a tale so horrifying, so ghastly, so utterly disturbing that the weak of heart and mind might do well to stop reading right now. It’s the story of the Quasi-Men.

“Cygnus-A and I had played in a punk rock band together called Arch Deluxx,” said Max Reverb, guitarist and singer. “But that band broke up. The name outlasted the burger. So, naturally, we decided to join the space program.”

While in orbit around the Earth, Max Reverb and Cygnus-A encountered a being who would change their lives forever. Or, should I say, change their deaths.

“We came in contact with an alien entity who killed and possessed us, so he could come back to Earth and start a rock ‘n’ roll band,” said Reverb. “The only thing the entity had to learn about Earth was our record collections and an ‘Attack From Mars’ pinball table, so that probably explains a lot.”

The pair, who then were only quasi-men, settled in Collinsport, Maine, which looks uncannily like Augusta, and also happens to be the name of the town in the old gothic soap opera “Dark Shadows,” set in Maine. They soon began hammering out the rock ‘n’ roll that their alien master demanded. Combining surf music, punk and garage rock into one scary sound, the quasi-men became the Quasi-Men. But something was missing.

“Being recently reanimated from the dead did nothing to improve our motor skills, so we added a bass player,” said Reverb. “We found one in outer space called Arpa Gio, but he’s basically the greatest bass player in the universe, so we tell everyone he’s a robot.”

Now a power trio made up of two possessed zombies and a robot, in 2002 the Quasi-Men set out to take over the world, one punk show at a time. The band draws equal influence from punk bands such as the Misfits and the Cramps and surf bands such as the Ventures and Man or Astro-Man? as much as it does from ’60s sci-fi and horror flicks and pinball.

They have recorded three EPs, including one charmingly titled “I Wanna Knock Up Elvira,” and are readying a full-length LP called “The Creeping Horror of the Quasi-Men,” set to be released in late September. They will play Saturday night in Bangor, at Ofelia’s on Central Street, along with Maine bands Bad Island, Big Meat Hammer, Rotundo Sealeg and the Jitters.

“We love playing Bangor, because we love Stephen King,” said Reverb. “We used to live in Derry before we moved to Collinsport.”

However, Bangorians should take heed: Should anything out of the ordinary occur Saturday night, you’ll know why. The Quasi-Men have a history of bringing supernatural and extraterrestrial trouble with them wherever they go.

“Strange events often occur in areas where we have played, so be sure to scan for UFOs, and keep your eyes peeled for vampires and zombies and ghosts on Saturday,” said Reverb. “It has also been recently asserted that we may have woken up el chupacabra from its long period of hibernation, as recent sightings have paralleled Quasi-Men shows.”

To listen to Quasi-Men songs and for more information, visit myspace.com/thequasimen. Saturday’s show at Ofelia’s starts at 7 p.m., is open to all ages, and costs $5. Emily Burnham can be reached at eburnham@bangordailynews.net. Check out her blog at communityv1.bangordailynews.com/blog/30.