Who knew? Knitting has its own lingo

At last I know the truth. As a knitter I have learned to speak a secret language. I never knew this until I opened a copy of Mary Beth Temple’s “The Secret Language of Knitters,” a small compendium of words from A to Y, excluding X and Z because apparently secret knitting words beginning with those letters won’t exist until some imaginative knitter invents a few.

As it turns out, I speak only a limited amount of the secret language Temple has collected and laid out in text for all to see and learn. For example, I comprehend Argyle, boucle, Continental knitting, dye lot, eyelash, frog, gauge, hank, intarsia (although I tend to think of this as a name for a joint in my big toe), join, Kitchener stitch, lace, merino, novelty yarns, picking up, qiviut, roving, stash, tension, weight and yarn over.

But words and terms I didn’t understand, until I read this pocket-size book, are addict (as it applies to knitters), black hole, combination knitting, DPNs, FOs, KAL and KIP, lifeline, LYS, pooling, SABLE, SEX, SSS, tink, UFO, WIP and yarn porn.

Now that I have read the book, I could tell you what all those words and acronyms mean. But I’m not going to. If you want to know, you’re going to have to get a copy of “The Secret Language of Knitters” all your own. It’s the perfect size to toss into your project bag, handy when someone in your knitting group says, ever so casually, “After SEX yesterday, all I wanted to do was surf the Web for yarn porn. I think I’m becoming a knitting addict.”

Or you might want to read some of the words and definitions to members of your knitting group for their interest and edification so you’ll all speak the same knitters’ dialect. In fact, a By Hand reader from Newport reports that after she and her knitting group read “The Secret Language of Knitters” they were inspired to coin these phrases: Unprotected SEX – going into a yarn shop with lots of cash and your credit cards. Protected SEX – taking a finite amount of cash and no plastic into a yarn sale. (This will make a great deal more sense when you read the book.)

Better yet, after you’ve shared the book with your pals, get your yarn yahoos to come up with words pertaining to knitting that begin with X and Z. Also, the vocabulary could use a few more words that begin with J.

I’m not sure Mary Beth Temple will thank me, or the Newport ladies, for this, but just to show what can be done to fill the X and Z gap, here are a few words I came up with:

. Xylem – A former yarn lemming who was known to follow anyone anywhere to score a skein of qiviut.

. Xyster – A former yarn-crazed person who has gone into a recovery-from-yarn-acquisition program, also known as a REYAP.

. Zephyrite – A knitter who knits with ultrafine lace-weight yarns. As in, “As a young-eyed Zephyrite I only knit shawls on size 00 needles in patterns that require a cast-on of at least 500 stitches.”

. ZERK – Zero energy required to knit. A simple, easy-to-knit project. As in, “This pattern is a real ZERK.”

In addition to X and Z words, I even came up with several Y words and a J word:

. Yelps – Sounds made by knitters who discover that moths have invaded their stash. Same sound made when they have to frog the last 25 rows because they made a mistake. As in, “Didn’t she let the yelps out of her when she saw that moth-eaten yarn (or that dropped stitch that happened three inches ago).”

. Young-eyed – Those whose eyesight is so keen they actually can see the stitches cast on size 1 needles. As in, “She’s so young-eyed, I bet she could knit a spider web with toothpicks.”

. JOY – Judge of yarn. Someone who can size up a 50-gram ball from across the room and always home in on the finest cashmere or silk. As in, “When it comes to knitting, she’s a great JOY.”

Thanks, Mary Beth Temple, for codifying knitter-speak and giving us all a good laugh.

Snippets

. A Fiber Arts Festival will be held during Living History Days 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, Oct. 6-7, at Leonard’s Mills Logging Museum in Bradley. Spinning, weaving, dyeing, quilting, rug braiding and other fiber arts will be demonstrated. Experienced spinners are invited to bring their spinning wheels and hand spindles and join in. Call the museum at 581-2871 for more information.

. Visit www.lionbrand.com to find free patterns for Halloween costume accessories such as felted crowns, a witch’s hat and leaf and petal masks.

. Diana Annis will conduct a quilting class using a long arm machine 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Friday and Saturday, Oct. 19-20, at Nancy’s in Stitches, 31 Starling Drive, Bangor. Call 947-6939 for details about cost and registration.

. A By Hand reader has a 1-pound reel of vintage reverse-twisted cotton cord that can be used for crocheting that she would like to pass on to someone who might like it. Call me for details.

Call Ardeana Hamlin at 990-8153, or e-mail ahamlin@bangordailynews.net.