It’s really a SAD state of affairs. No, really!

It’s not just the damned Red Sox. You can’t blame everything in life on those pitiful losers who crush us every September and October.

No, it’s SAD.

Every fall, I go through the same thing. I lament the end of summer (youth) and the approach of winter (death).

It’s not just the dreaded cold and ice and sleet and shoveling and skidding off the highway. It’s not just being a prisoner of the afghan for the next four months. It’s not just the $600 oil deliveries, every time the oil truck pulls up outside. It’s not just stacking three cords of wood.

It’s SAD.

You can tell your neighbors over coffee at Fitzpatrick’s Deli that you are not really bummed out, but are afflicted with the bane of frozen New England, seasonal affective disorder.

Don’t believe me? Let’s listen to the esteemed Angelos Halaris, the chair of the department of psychiatry and behavioral neurosciences at Loyola University’s Stritch School of Medicine.

Let’s face it. That’s a better job title than you ever had – or ever will. I always wanted to be a chair.

Our boy Halaris told USA Today that SAD is no laughing matter, affects 20 percent of Americans and can lead to psychological problems. It’s too late for me.

As the daylight hours shorten every day, the reduced exposure to sunlight causes a biochemical imbalance in some people’s brains, he told USA Today.

“We believe SAD is some kind of genetic residue akin to hibernation in mammals – the human equivalent,” he said.

Hibernation. I like that.

David Avery has another theory. Avery is a psychiatry professor at University of Washington School of Medicine. Not a bad title, but no chair.

Avery postulates (he is a professor, after all) that those who do not adjust to the loss of light and their “circadian rhythms” (no idea) are more prone to depression. If I have any circadian rhythms, I know I have not adjusted them. He compared SAD to a sort of “jet lag that lasts for months instead of a few days. That puts a lot of stress on the body.”

Those of us SAD sufferers can expect “an emotional pit” which includes excessive sleeping, weight gain, fatigue and irritability that can last from deep winter until March or April. Sounds like my life all year round.

What to do?

Avery suggests “light therapy,” if you can believe that. Patients sit under a special light (I can imagine what that costs) or don a visor with a light on the bill (That must be attractive) for a specified period of time. Newer studies also indicate that antidepressants can relieve SAD.

A combination of light therapy (you must be kidding) and cognitive behavioral therapy (I bet that’s expensive) can also generate improvement, Avery said. Oregon scientists have been experimenting with the hormone melatonin.

He warns that SAD can become progressively worse over the years.

We used to call it “cabin fever” and treat it with Allen’s Coffee Brandy. Dr. Meara prescribes a ban on Red Sox games in September and October, plus reservations for Florida in February and March.

Don’t call me in the morning.

Send complaints and compliments to Emmet Meara at emmetmeara@msn.com.