March 29, 2024
Column

Halloween flicks list: some tricks, some treats

Break out the holy water, folks, and step away from the satanic hellfire – the devil has had a time of it lately in Hollywood. Over the past few weeks, a slew of horror movies has been released on DVD, HD DVD and Blu-ray disc, just in time for Halloween. Some are worth seeing, while others – true to the holiday spirit – provide more tricks than treats.

“Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance”: A vampire movie in which the vamp is a tramp. Set in the Old West town of Deliverance (it’s true!), the film follows the “Blade” series in that its hero is half vampire, half human. Her name is Rayne (Natassia Malthe) and what she does for leather could make the cow she’s wearing spring back to adoring life. What unfolds has to be seen to be believed – it’s silly, overbaked hooey charged with a risible script – but that, of course, would suggest that you actually see the movie. And there is no such recommendation here. Rated R. Grade: D.

“Bram Stoker’s Dracula: Blu-ray”: Francis Ford Coppola’s beautifully shot, overly long horror movie sucks in a good way. Now out on Blu-ray disc, the film is one of the best-looking yet in the high-definition format, with Michael Ballhaus’ moody cinematography, Thomas Sander’s Gothic set design and Michele Burke’s makeup coming into grisly, atmospheric focus. Gary Oldman’s Count Dracula is an undead, hissing showboat, while Sir Anthony Hopkins kicks restraint to the curb and robustly tackles the role of Van Helsing. Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder and Sadie Frost linger in the moonlight, with the movie plunging itself so often into camp, it never really is scary. Instead, it’s just happy just to entertain, lapping up whatever blood it spills – and allowing Tom Waits to feast upon every insect he can find. Rated R. Grade: B+

“The Fly: Blu-ray”: Kafka would have loved it. This remake of the 1958 original is essentially a horror romance. It’s one of David Cronenberg’s best films, with Jeff Goldblum’s inventor-scientist Seth Brundle joining Geena Davis’ Ronnie in creating a heartfelt, B-movie gross-out. What the film creates in Seth’s unflattering transformation from human being to human-fly is grotesque, but unlike so many of today’s horror movies, none of it is served with a trace of humor. Cronenberg and company are dead serious about their cautionary ideas about the abuse of science and technology. As Seth deteriorates into a mess of tics, mandibles and twitches, the movie comes down to the nuances of Goldblum’s spot-on performance and the horror of what some will do with a loaded rifle in the name of love. Rated PG-13. Grade: A-

“From Hell: Blu-ray”: From its claustrophobic shots of gas-lit streets, blood-red skies, freshly cut corpses and syphilitic prostitutes slinking in the slums of London’s Whitechapel district circa 1888, “From Hell” is a violent mood letter sent to shock the senses. The film is a speculative account of who Jack the Ripper was and why he went on his bloody killing spree, gutting five prostitutes before vanishing to become one of history’s favored enigmas. Johnny Depp is Frederick Abberline, an opium-addicted inspector from Scotland Yard whose trippy dreams have the power of helping him solve crimes. Because of his psychic gift, he is enlisted to track down the Ripper, who is viciously murdering prostitutes for their genitalia, which he brutally removes for a gruesome keepsake. Why the keepsake? As the body count rises, expectations mount for a good payoff, but the movie doesn’t come through. With the exception of a few individual scenes of well-done horror, “From Hell” is mostly a melodrama filled with cartoonish characters that feel culled from “Sweeney Todd.” Rated R. Grade: C+

“The Hills Have Eyes II: Blu-ray”: Well, no, they don’t. If they did, and if they could see, they would have read the script, passed on it, and we all would have been better for it. This sequel to Alexandre Aja’s 2006 remake of the 1977 Wes Craven classic makes the latter movie look like playtime for tots. It trips on its own entrails – sometimes quite literally – and watching it, you have to wonder where is the fun in a movie like this? There are no jolts, no flashes of humor, no winking at the audience – just bloodletting that crosses the line. Unrated. Grade: D

“Hostel (Director’s Cut): DVD, Blu-ray”: From Eli Roth, this unrated director’s cut features an ending deemed “too disturbing for theatrical audiences.” What exactly does that mean? Are DVD audience’s any different from theatrical audiences? Do they go by a different code? That’s up for debate, but what isn’t is that the film offers just what you expect from the torture-porn genre. Two unlikable young American men go off to Slovakia to backpack, do drugs and make general fools of themselves while they work hard to bed their share of women, a gender the movie hates. At a Slovakian hostel, the men meet a few willing ladies and, goodness, are they ever tricked by them. Soon, a madman with machine tools and dismemberment issues goes on a rampage. The blood violence he unleashes is gross, sure, but it doesn’t shock. Instead, since you don’t care for anyone in this film, it only numbs. Unrated. Grade: D

“Hostel II: DVD, Blu-ray”: Eurotrashovich. We’re back in Slovakia, the dumb American men have been replaced by questionable American women (Lauren German, Bijou Phillips, Heather Matarazzo), and the bloodletting is amplified, with scene after disgusting scene making you question who in Hollywood green-lights this sort of crap. This time out, those behind the series’ death-for-payment scheme are revealed, which strips the movie of whatever mystery it might have had. Given its larger budget, the movie does look better, but just try finding one well-mounted, extended scene of suspense, which takes the sort of patience and skill Roth doesn’t have. Instead, in an effort to thank his target audience of males for sticking with him, Roth would rather offer a castration scene that’s so graphic, it likely will leave most men crossing their legs for the rest of the show. Unrated. Grade: C-

“Ice Spiders”: As high-concept horror movies go, “Ice Spiders” takes the cocoon and rolls with it. In it, a group of Olympic hopeful skiers don’t have just moguls to worry about. When a government experiment goes awry, they also have to battle giant mutant spiders. Cue the ravenous arachnids. Cue the skiers getting picked off one by one. Cue Patrick Muldoon and Vanessa Williams shrieking and slumming in the snow. The movie is as awful as Rosemary’s baby’s pabulum, but just try looking away from it. It’s B-movie bad and, strictly taken as such, it’s a party film worth considering. Rated R. Grade: B

“Most Haunted: The Collection”: In the mood for something (cough) more cerebral? Then join these modern-day ghostbusters – host Yvette Fielding, “world-renowned spiritual medium” Derek Acorah, and others from the paranormal field – as they trek all over Great Britain in an effort to determine whether ghosts are dwelling in certain dwellings. Here, in England alone, they take on Tutbury Castle in Staffordshire, Clerkenwell House of Detention in London (the scariest of the lot) and Pengersick Castle in Cornwall. Soldiers, children and a maid haunt Llancaiach Fawr Manor in Wales, and bodies are presumably tucked beneath the floor at The Heritage in Derby, England. Bumps, shadows and startled screams ignite the episodes, but take heart – in the end, these people ain’t afraid of no ghosts. Grade: B-

“Planet Terror”: Robert Rodriguez’s addition to the double-feature “Grindhouse” is a hugely entertaining zombie horror thriller set in a small Texas nowhere, where a virus quickly is turning the town into the flesh-eating undead. Freddie Rodriguez and Rose McGowan star as El Wray and Cherry Darling, former lovers (he’s a gunslinger, she’s a go-go dancer, together they’re magic) who reunite just as the world is falling apart. The latter proves especially true for Cherry, who loses a leg midway through, only to find herself fitted with the most unusual of prosthetics – a loaded machine gun, which the limber Cherry uses not only to walk, but also to mow down the undead in devastating balloons of blood. Bruce Willis and Stacey Ferguson are featured in fevered cameos, with Josh Brolin, Marley Shelton and Quentin Tarantino himself all gamely wading through the entrails. Rated R. Grade: B+

“Rise: Blood Hunter”: More vampires, this time shaking down the City of Angels. Lucy Liu is Sadie Blake, an investigative reporter who, along with Michael Chiklis’ detective Clyde Rawlins, is seeking to rid Los Angeles of the bloodsucking beasts. Since there wouldn’t be a movie industry should they do so, nobody should cheer them on to succeed. But onward they push. Armed with her crossbow, Sadie, a vampire herself, is one hot, angry mess. Given that she’s played by Liu, who brims with her typical intensity, the movie benefits from all the formidable energy she can muster. Rated R. Grade: C+

“The Saw Trilogy”: This ugly, joyless horror movie series, which continues today with the release of “Saw IV,” should be tossed into the business end of 1988’s “Woodchipper Massacre.” Is there fun to be had in a horror movie composed of base elements of degradation, amputation, humiliation and murder? Maybe for the sadist, or perhaps for those unaware of how effective a great horror movie can be. But really, the “Saw” franchise only ever was designed to be gore for the sake of gore, with hysterical performances clanging throughout. The movies are bad, but not in ways that make bad horror movies good. The films’ characters are self-centered, unlikable types you can’t get behind. And because you can’t, you have to wonder what the filmmakers were hoping would carry us through to the end. Just the scenes of torture? Apparently so. As such, the series cuts its own throat in the process. Rated R. Grade: D

“Scary Movie: Blu-ray”: A gross-out comedy that isn’t merely a parody of teen-slasher flicks – it’s also a spoof of several well-known parodies, especially Wes Craven’s “Scream” series, Jim Gillespie’s “I Know What You Did Last Summer,” Danny Cannon’s “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer” and Jamie Blanks’ “Urban Legend.” It mirrors all four films closely in scenes deliberately lifted for some pretty big laughs – at least in its first 30 minutes. Other pop culture references abound, but its best moment comes at the start with a nice spoof on the opening of “Scream” (which, movie buffs know, was originally titled “Scary Movie”). Less affecting is the film’s last half, which isn’t as sharp or as funny as the gags that came before it. Still, since what came before it is so good, the movie is worth revisiting in its new incarnation on Blu-ray disc. Rated R. Grade: B-

“Seed of Chucky: HD DVD”: At the start of “Seed of Chucky,” the fifth film in Chucky-the-crazed-slasher-doll series, the screen drips with what appears to be rivers of liquid latex. Appearances, of course, can be deceiving. Soon, the ugly truth of all that dripping reveals itself to be scores of white, angry-looking mini-Chuckies. Replete with tails, they race through an undulating tube and find their mark in a gelatinous egg. Cells split, a baby screeches, a child is born – hello not-so-gorgeous. Flash forward several years and what we have is spawn of Chucky, a sensitive, bug-eyed softie with razor-sharp teeth who toils in London as a ventriloquist’s dummy. When it learns that its parents, Chucky and Tiffany, are shooting a movie in the U.S. called “Chucky Goes Psycho,” it decides to flee London in an effort to find them. Much like the script, it must have flown coach. Amid the inevitable slaughterings, beheadings, stabbings and the like, the movie never is scary, though it does find humor in Jennifer Tilly’s excess and in John Waters’ supporting role as a paparazzo. Rated R. Grade: C-

“The Twisted Terror Collection”: A rousing B-movie horror collection from Warner. Includes six films-John Carpenter’s 1978 television stalker movie “Someone’s Watching Me,” with Lauren Hutton in the lead, and Oliver Stone’s 1981 horror film “The Hand,” in which Michael Caine loses a hand to an auto accident – and the hand just won’t die! Also included are 1986’s “Deadly Friend” from Wes Craven, which he’d likely sooner wish to forget; 1973’s “From Beyond the Grave,” with Peter Cushing as a shifty antiques dealer; and 1981’s “Eyes of a Stranger,” with Jennifer Jason Leigh protecting her deaf and blind sister from a serial rapist. Finally, there’s 1992’s “Dr. Giggles,” which is about a mass murderer that stars nobody memorable but which nevertheless features a title that gets to the heart of this holiday. Go and have a few laughs of your own. Grade: B+


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