I lack “life skills.”

I can’t drive a stick shift or do long division. The metric system leaves me befuddled, as does the Electoral College. My Spanish hovers below remedial and I am easily confused by a compass.

Some naysayers may say that I don’t know much.

They may be right.

But I have discovered three things that I have found essential in navigating my otherwise hapless existence: Invest in good knives, master five meals that do not involve pasta, and learn how to buy wine. That’s all you need for a reasonably successful life. Or at least a highly enjoyable one.

Start with the knives. For years I struggled with a motley assortment of cast-off cutlery, thinking someday soon a philanthropic fellow foodie would buy me a gleaming set of Wusthofs. I still haven’t worked up to the Wusthofs, but I have amassed a selection of Henckels. Now I feel like I can filet anything. Besides, owning almost-professional-looking cutlery suggests authenticity; people tend to agree with my culinary delusions when I am brandishing a boning knife.

Next, for the five meals that do not involve pasta. This was a difficult one for me, as I grew up tethered to the apron strings of my Italian Nonna. But I eventually found my way out of the pasta aisle and have since experimented with every even remotely edible ingredient. And while I’m not big on cookbooks, I do recommend the classic “Joy of Cooking” to use as a rough guide. I’m betting with a little help from the Rombauer-Becker experts, you’ll soon be tempting taste buds with unexpected and savory surprises. A few basic dishes to add to your repertoire are curries, quiches, soups, risotto and anything you can throw on the grill. These have as many variations as an untamed imagination can conjure up and are (almost) idiot proof.

The final thing you need to know for a enjoyable life is how to buy wine. While browsing your local wine cellar can be intimidating, just remember: You get what you pay for. There is, however, a selection of weeknight wines that won’t send you spiraling toward bankruptcy. Try Smoking Loon, Sebastiani, Kendall Jackson and Yellowtail, a bargain that I initially tried because I liked the kangaroo on the label. Once again, I suggest some bibliographical reference: “Andrea Robinson’s Wine Buying Guide for Everyone.” It’s a slim, pocket-size cheat sheet well worth a ten spot. Also, find a good wine store with an earthy yet enthusiastic salesperson to guide you. Be his friend.

There are a few other “life skills” you may want to master, such as humor, passion and the ability to forget. But begin with a few sharp knives, a menu beyond mac-and-cheese, and a bottle or two of shiraz. Besides, long division is rarely needed, politicians steal elections anyway, and wandering around lost can be great fun.

Kate Collins is a Bangor Daily News photographer and a food enthusiast.