Bemoaning ‘The Breakup’? Chocolate comin’ through

Another one bites the dust.

I’ll skip the specifics, as the basic ingredients of any breakup are the same. A slab of sadness seared with anger makes for a fine feast of self-pity. Scalding, I know, but I’ve risen from the ashes of enough incinerated relationships to know that The Breakup is far from The End Of The World. In fact, the two weeks or so following The Breakup is the perfect time to luxuriate in some decadence before launching The Comeback.

For some of the scorned, decadence is a manicure and massage. Others go on shopping sprees, cracking the plastic on clothing that’s considered obscene anywhere but in Brazil. A few of the lovesick will self-medicate with martinis and go home with the bartender. These Breakup Behaviors are perfectly acceptable, if not completely necessary.

Not surprisingly, for me The Breakup requires a specific culinary creation. Something to indulge in while lounging around in my comfiest yoga pants, watching “Desperate Housewives” and talking trash about the ex with my best girlfriends. And what could caulk the cracks of a fissured heart better than chocolate and peanut butter? Such an ingenious confection, a woman must have thought of it. She deserves an award, a Nobel Prize or something.

A well-known psychoactive food, chocolate has noted therapeutic effects. It has been hailed as a relaxant, stimulant, aphrodisiac and antidepressant.

Some scientist (most likely with the last name Ghirardelli) even proved that chocolate induces the same euphoria as being in love does. I disagree; chocolate is better than any boy. For bitter chocolate is still sweet, but even the sweetest love leaves an aftertaste of hot, salty tears.

This recipe is courtesy of my incredible friend Tracy, who has been there.

Tracy’s Chocolate Peanut Butter Candy

For the filling:

1 bag powdered sugar

1/2 stick margarine

2 packs cream cheese

2 jars creamy peanut butter

1-3 teaspoons vanilla extract

Sift powered sugar. Tedious, but necessary. Cream in margarine. Gradually add the cream cheese and vanilla.

You can use low-fat cream cheese, but you have no one to look good for anyway, so why bother? Fold in the peanut butter and mix slowly until it’s a smooth, even consistency. Roll into balls and chill for a few hours. I usually put them in the freezer overnight.

For the coating:

2 bags chocolate chips (I use semisweet)

2 blocks wax (the kind you use for canning; it’s perfectly edible.)

Slowly melt chocolate and wax together in a double boiler. Using a skewer or ice pick or even toothpick, dip chilled peanut butter balls into chocolate and set on wax paper. Spoon on an extra bit of melted chocolate to cover skewer scar, and finish with some sprinkles.