DVD corner

“Balls of Fury” DVD, HD DVD: Curiously, this isn’t a sex comedy. Instead, it’s a movie about underground table tennis tournaments, which apparently are revered in the Asian community (somebody might want to clue them in on this), who take to the sport in ways that often are deadly for the participant – and, in this case, deadly dull for the audience. This fractured, mostly unfunny movie fails to meet even the lowest expectations. Dan Fogler is Randy Daytona, a hirsute, plus-sized rocker whose claim to fame is that he has the ability to turn pingpong balls into balls of fury at the tennis table. After falling off the circuit years ago when he was defeated at the Seoul Olympics by a mincing German, he now is ushered back into the fold by FBI agent Rodriguez (George Lopez), who needs Daytona to get back into form so they can defeat the evil Feng (Christopher Walken). Echoes of “Karate Kid” ensue, with Daytona being guided by the blind pingpong master, Wong (James Hong), as well as by Maggie (Maggie Q), a beautiful woman who initially loathes him until, bizarrely, she suddenly decides to love him. It’s just one false move in a movie filled with them, though Walken, it must be said, does look funny in his blowout wig and his kitschy kimonos. Rated PG-13. Grade: D+

“The Legend of Zorro” Blu-ray: Legend? An overstatement, at least where this movie is concerned. This self-aware, overblown follow-up to 1998’s entertaining “The Mask of Zorro” is a misstep with Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones reprising their roles, albeit without the sexual snap that drove the first film. Set in 1850, the film finds Don Alejandro de la Vega (Banderas) and Elena (Jones), parents of 10-year-old Joaquin (Adrian Alonso), splitting when Vega, aka Zorro, decides he must help the people of California who are about to be duped as they prepare for statehood. The actors look fetching, but there’s the sense that they already know this, which turns the production inward. The film can be stultifying in its excess. Rated PG. Grade: C+

“National Treasure: Collector’s Edition”: Just in time for the sequel, which will be released next week, comes the two-disc collector’s edition of Jon Turteltaub’s “National Treasure,” a ripe, ridiculous B-movie served up with generous helpings of cheese. Nicolas Cage is Benjamin Franklin Gates – insert groan here – whose family has been trying for generations to find the buried treasure of the Knights Templar. Allegedly, the back of the Declaration of Independence has an invisible map that offers a series of clues that will lead Cage and his assistants to a colossal bounty. Since Gates wants that map before thieves get to it first, complications and machinations abound, only a few of which – remarkably – deal with the actual theft of the historic document itself. The action scenes in “Treasure” are passably entertaining and the movie doesn’t take itself too seriously, but maybe it should have. Nothing here is extraordinary and nothing matches what Spielberg created in the “Indiana Jones” movies, which “Treasure” tries to emulate in its own third-rate way. Rated PG-13. Grade: C-

“Rent” Blu-ray: Evict them. Toward the nerve-jangling midpoint, when the story and its Bohemian-wannabe characters have whipped themselves into a froth, there’s no question that we’re dealing with a film that apparently broke a hip upon its leap from stage to screen. The movie is a mess, collapsing in ways from which it doesn’t recover, though God knows it tries. Homelessness, death, drug addiction, sexuality, HIV and AIDS all are tackled, yet in spite of this, the movie packs the dramatic punch of a feather. Its problem is that it demands to be taken literally. In one scene, a character might be having a perfectly engaging conversation about the dangers of shooting up dope or the worry of not being able to pay the rent, and then suddenly be singing his heart out, setting trash cans ablaze and dancing on tables as if that’ll keep the lights on. It doesn’t. Rated PG-13. Grade: C-

“The Simpsons Movie” DVD, Blu-ray: In “The Simpsons Movie,” Earth is at stake – nevermind just Springfield – and who better than Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie to come to its rescue? OK, so it’s best not to answer that question, particularly since it’s Homer and his new pet pig, Spider-Pig, who ignite the crisis in the first place. Wearing its environmental heart on its sleeve, the film has a timely message in hand – the world is choking on our fumes, trash and pig poop, folks, and the future looks grim. Lisa (voice of Yeardley Smith) is on a campaign to raise awareness about how the careless actions of many are ruining Lake Springfield and, by extension, the planet itself. As she sees it, we’re all faced with “An Irritating Truth” and it’s time to do something about it. Trouble is, her father, Homer (Dan Castellaneta), whose relationship with his new pet pig borders on the questionable, if not the obscene, has unwittingly unleashed the sort of ecological blunder that changes fish into mutants, and which also catches the attention of the EPA. What unfolds is all just enough – just enough for most fans, who likely will dig seeing Bart nude, and just enough for the casually curious, who now might be tempted to do what Fox really wants them to do – buy all those boxed sets of the television series awaiting them on DVD. Rated PG-13. Grade: B+

“Stardust” DVD, HD DVD: Features as many subplots as there are stars in the sky. Beyond the extra padding, the good news is that much of the movie is inspired fun. Ian McKellen narrates a movie that stars Charlie Cox as Tristan, a young man who lives within the enclosed hamlet of Wall, where he fancies an unpleasant young woman named Victoria (Sienna Miller), who suggests that if he wants her hand in marriage, he’ll bring her a star they watch fall just outside Wall’s walls. It’s a dangerous task – outside is a world fraught with dark magic – but Tristan agrees and soon, he’s off to find his star, which turns out to be the lovely Yvaine (Claire Danes), with whom he embarks on a string of romantic adventures. While none of this is as memorable or as good as “The Princess Bride,” which remains a hallmark of the genre, “Stardust” has a strong enough cast to cast you above its unnecessary complications. The actors are, in fact, having such a grand time of it here, you might find yourself enjoying the movie more for the energy they bring to their performances than for all the machinations that hurl them together. Features amusing co-starring turns by Peter O’Toole (overcome by the wardrobe department), Michelle Pfeiffer as a witch, and Robert De Niro as a cross-dressing pirate. Rated PG-13. Grade: B

“Underdog” DVD, Blu-ray: Oh, there’s reason to fear – “Underdog” the movie is here, this time on DVD and Blu-ray. Frederick Du Chau’s live-action remake of the popular ’60s cartoon is a by-the-numbers disappointment, so much so that one has to wonder upon seeing the movie whether Du Chau and his screenwriters now are considered a dog’s best friend. It’s questionable. This fractured, frenetic movie stays true to its source material in that it finds Underdog speaking in hokey rhymes, which might appeal to the very youngest of children (newborns, for instance), but it falls short of capturing the original’s corny charm, which admittedly always was best served in small doses. This isn’t an awful movie – at least the animals are winning and Peter Dinklage is fun as a mad scientist – but from the gate, there’s no question that its aspirations only were second-rate. Rated PG. Grade: C-

Visit www.weekinrewind.com, the archive of Bangor Daily News film critic Christopher Smith’s reviews, which appear Mondays, Fridays and weekends in Lifestyle, as well as on bangordailynews.com.