Usually by now I’m Ho Ho Ho-ing more than anyone and singing carols until my co-workers avoid me. At least that’s the excuse they use. So what is the problem this year? Maybe holiday stress has finally caught up with me. Are you feeling a bit pressured and overwhelmed?

“As the holiday season approaches, many seniors and their caregivers begin to feel a sad or even depressed,” said Dottie VanHorn, family caregiver specialist at Eastern Area Agency on Aging. “It’s not easy to face this joyful time of year when you just can’t get into the spirit of things.”

VanHorn has broken down the lack of holiday spirit into the four Fs.

The first “F” is for fantasies of how the holiday is supposed to be instead of how it typically is.

“We’re assisted in our fantasies by media, holiday songs and advertisements that paint pictures of the perfect holiday season,” said VanHorn. “We want and expect a Norman Rockwell setting and can become depressed when that doesn’t happen.”

The second “F” is for family. While there is nothing like being with family during the holidays, let’s face it – it can be stressful.

“People have idealized visions of what should and should not happen during the holiday season,” said VanHorn. “Imperfect people do not always live up to those visions of the perfect family.” Accepting this and moving on can reduce stress, keeping the holidays cheerful.

If there is a diagnosis of dementia, the holidays can be especially stressful for everyone.

“It’s hard to accept the fact that your celebration will be different as your loved one’s disease progresses,” said VanHorn.

VanHorn offers tips that can help:

. Focus on the person as he or she is now, not how the loved one was in the past.

. Simplify activities and rituals.

. Limit your loved one’s exposure to large gatherings which can be frightening to a person with dementia.

. Play music of the season – many people with dementia enjoy listening to it.

. Keep decorations safe and simple, and avoid those that are dangerous, poisonous or pose a choking risk.

. Maintain the person’s routine to decrease the chance of over-stimulation or confusion.

Losing a loved one is always difficult, but dealing with loss and grief during the holidays is especially hard.

“Often it’s therapeutic to talk about your loved one and what the holidays meant to them,” said VanHorn.

The third “F” is for food. Special treats are a part of holiday celebrations and you can enjoy them, but it’s best not to overindulge if you can help it. And if you have a specific food plan you’re following, check with your health care professional or dietitian about which treats would be acceptable.

The fourth “F” is for finances. While being generous with children, friends, grandchildren and great-grandchildren feels good, it is often a recipe for disaster come January, when bills start piling up that can’t be paid. And for seniors living on limited incomes, it is particularly dangerous.

Here are more tips to help:

. Make a budget and stick to it.

. Give gifts of time rather than buying something.

. Let others contribute to the cost of the holiday meal and entertaining.

. Reproduce family photos as gifts. They are a nice gift that is also inexpensive.

. Collect family recipes to share.

. Make a gift to a favorite charity in the family’s name or start a family gift exchange rather than giving to everyone.

Have a safe and happy holiday season.

Carol Higgins Taylor is director of communications at Eastern Area Agency on Aging. E-mail Carol Higgins Taylor at chtaylor@eaaa.org. For information on EAAA, call 941-2865, or toll-free (800) 432-7812, e-mail info@eaaa.org or log on www.eaaa.org. TTY 992-0150.