Enjoying the holidays with family gatherings and office parties? Have you managed to steer clear of the two “no-no” topics, religion and politics? You have? How?

Let’s face it: Religion is politics. Just ask Mitt Romney. And for those of us who fancy ourselves political historians, we couldn’t help but spend the entire week scratching our heads and rubbing our chins over the news that former United Kingdom Prime Minister Tony Blair converted to Roman Catholicism.

If you listen carefully you can hear the ghosts of Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard wailing in the background of the CNN reports. The irony that the Church of England, founded by their husband, Henry VIII – who, mind you, separated these two women from their heads because the pope wouldn’t allow their divorce – has been rejected by their country’s longest-reigning prime minister stuns the imagination.

On top of that: One of Boleyn’s descendents now sits on Henry’s throne and she just happens to be a girl! And that girl installed Tony Blair as prime minister. Now Tony has left the Church of England and – get this – joined a church that doesn’t allow women in its hierarchy!

Right now every news organization is busily selecting the biggest or scariest or saddest news stories of the year. This has to be the most ironic news story of the past thousand years.

It’s ironic in its historical perspective, and it’s ironic as a current event.

First we’ll look at history. Once upon a time just about all the countries had monarchs. And monarchs had rules. First, they were better than the average folk and had to marry each other. This preserved their “superior” bloodline, not to mention their inheritances. Nationality didn’t matter; only power and money did. Certain royal women had dowries of land – even entire principalities – that made them more attractive as mates.

But kings could get land without marrying; they could go to war, for example. No, the only property a king really needed a woman for was in her abdomen. The uterus was the most vital piece of real estate because that’s the only place a king could get an heir.

Henry VIII had a tough time finding the right uterus. When his second wife, Boleyn, proved incapable of producing a baby boy, Henry asked the pope, the only guy more powerful than a king, to dissolve their marriage. Now Henry and Anne already had a daughter – ready for more irony? – who would end up being one of the most powerful monarchs in all of Western civilization, but Henry was a bit of a sexist and just wasn’t satisfied.

Anyway, when the pope turned Henry down, Henry got mad about being told what to do and started thinking that if the pope was selected by God then probably he was, too. So Henry ditched the Catholic Church and declared his own power supreme.

These little religious shenanigans and the battle over the divine right of kings led directly to dozens of wars, millions of deaths and Northern Ireland terrorist attacks right up through the late 20th century when – ready for this? – Prime Minister Blair agreed to negotiate with the Catholic British subjects who had been subjugated throughout centuries of Protestant domination.

Now, the British really stand on ceremony, and remember, Henry VIII’s multigreat-granddaughter’s divine right allowed her to install Blair as the leader of their country with the authority to make peace like that. Yet he has rejected the religion that gave her the power to do so!

But let’s forget for a minute the whole 500-year Catholic-Protestant war business: What about the new religious doctrines Blair himself is embracing? Is Tony Blair really against the use of birth control? Does he think condoms are bad even when they save lives? Does Tony Blair really think that divorce is immoral? And could he possibly believe that only celibate unmarried – uncontaminated – men can lead a congregation in spiritual growth and community?

Criminy, it’s still all about the uterus! A woman can’t be a priest, bishop, cardinal or pope because she’s got one, and now Tony Blair has joined a religion that thinks it holds the property rights to it. Oh, Anne Boleyn, will it ever stop?