For the Patsological fan

Say what you will about Bill Belichick’s cutoff sweat shirt – the New England Patriots might just be the most stylish team in NFL history.

They may not have Joe Namath sporting a full-length fur coat on the sidelines, but who else could bounce back from SpyGate with an 18-0 season? Talk about winning in grand fashion.

Then there’s Tom Brady, who looks smashing in those Visa ads. Plus, he’s dating a Victoria’s Secret model, which should count for something. I’m going to guess he didn’t even need one of Peyton’s Priceless Pep Talks to ask her out.

For a team with this much finesse, however, the Patriots are woefully lacking in cool gear. Yes, you too can own the famed Belichick “equipment” hoodie, although you’ll have to cut off the sleeves yourself. And there are a few knit caps out there that are similar to the ones the players wear on the sidelines.

Recently, I ventured into the great unknown that is licensed sports gear. I expected to find a few baseball caps, fitted pink T-shirts for the gals and the occasional windbreaker or leather jacket. What I didn’t expect was all the random merchandise out there. Knickknacks, weird clothes and questionable home decor abound.

Is there a market for ruched Patriots T-shirts designed by Alyssa Milano ($39.99 at OlympiaSports.com)? Do people really decorate with Patriots-themed stuffed bat-witches at Halloween? And does anyone really want to drop $699 on a helmet-shaped coffee table with footballs for legs?

I totally understand the demand for Pat-rified beer mugs, beer dispensers and beer cozies – the former can be found at your local T.J.’s. I was even digging the Pats Crocs I spotted at The Grasshopper Shop. And while it’s not my style, I get why someone would buy a ceramic chip-and-dip platter emblazoned with the team logo ($44.99, Target.com).

But I draw the line at a $179.99 Patriots fireplace screen (also at Target.com).

With few exceptions, the selection is pretty much the same everywhere you look, and online, there are hundreds of options.

Want to get your game on in an official red, white and blue string bikini? The folks at FansEdge.com call it “a sun-loving way to show your team loyalty” – perfect for January in New England. And, according to the Web site, people who bought the bikini also treated themselves to a sterling silver Patriots charm bracelet – a steal at $165.

I can’t vouch for every female fan, but the only Pats-related accessory most of us would like on our arm is Tom Brady. And he’s taken.

That’s not to say we can’t have a life-size replica of him in our living room. For $99.95, Fathead.com will send you a three-dimensional vinyl “wall graphic” of your favorite players. Or player, as the case may be – Tedy Bruschi is sold out.

Not to worry. There are plenty of other spirited ways to jazz up your living room – such as a Tiffany-style stained-glass lamp ($119 at SportsUnlimited.com), a tapestry throw depicting a giant helmet against a sea-and-lighthouse backdrop, or a faux-suede couch embroidered with the Elvis-like logo. It can be yours for a mere $699 at Homevisions.com. And what a vision it is.

Is it me, or is Bill Belichick’s cutoff hoodie looking more and more stylish by the minute?

ShopGirl would love to hear from you! Send questions, comments or suggestions by e-mail to: kandresen@bangordailynews.net, by U.S. mail to Kristen Andresen, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04402-1329, or by fax to 941-9476. For exclusive online shopping tips, click on the ShopBlog icon on the bottom of the BDN homepage: bangordailynews.com.