Fostering culture of acceptance

My mother always dressed me in orange on St. Patrick’s Day. This caused me to have a curious mixture of feelings – being proud and being a misfit. I was proud to be different and my orange dress was very pretty. I was uncomfortable being different because everyone else in my school wore green.

Why would my mom, or any mom, subject their child to ostracism for not wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day? After all, isn’t everyone of Irish descent on March 17? I can’t answer for other moms and I probably shouldn’t answer for my mom, but I think I’ve figured it out, at least partially. And like so many of life’s personal mysteries, it has to do with family history.

My grandmother called herself a New England Yankee. But we think that at least some of her family came from the British Isles, including Ireland. She remembered watching a Ku Klux Klan cross burn on the front lawn of St. Mary’s Catholic Church in my hometown, East Hartford, Conn. This memory helped me realize that the KKK is not just a southern racist organization. She also told us of being excommunicated from that church when she married my grandfather because he was not Catholic. (He was Lutheran.)

Consequently, my mother was raised in the Swedish Lutheran faith. I suppose my mom dressed me in orange on St. Patrick’s Day as a way to acknowledge her own family history of being Irish but protesting the Catholic church’s actions against her mother.

As a teacher I need to watch my students for situations that are like wearing orange on St. Patrick’s Day. A student may appear to be different just to shock the status quo. But most often there is a story behind the difference. And that story has the potential to change my attitude as a teacher as well as classmates’ attitude toward that different student.

When we know about and accept a difference, it is easier to make a human connection. For example, a teacher-friend of mine recently wrote to me with this story: One of his students is bigger than her peers, is louder, and has significant developmental delays. He has worked hard to create an inclusive classroom by being matter-of-fact about the disruptions and praising positive peer interactions. A parent told my friend that at an out-of-school social event, a small, shy classmate spotted the different student, ran toward her, greeted her enthusiastically with a high-five and sat with her for the event.

My friend used the story of this student’s challenges to foster a culture that accepted differences. That culture became strong enough to thrive outside the classroom walls. That is true power.

That power is the power to change students’ lives for the better. And that’s something that every educator should be striving toward. Unfortunately, we can’t always get at the stories that make understanding and accepting easier. Sometimes we can make educated guesses and other times we have to accept the difference with no knowledge of the story. That makes being inclusive and accepting difficult. But difficult doesn’t mean impossible. It means working harder and working smarter. When we do that, we usually get great rewards. In these cases, the reward may not be visible or tangible but it sure is worthwhile.

The next time you notice a student wearing orange on St. Patrick’s Day (figuratively or literally), accept the difference and exercise the power to change someone’s life by the mere act of acceptance.

Let’s continue this conversation. E-mail me at conversationswithateacher@gmail.com.