Nursing home tough place to enjoy holiday

Next Sunday is Mother’s Day, and it just isn’t going to be the same. In fact, ever since Mom entered a nursing home, nothing has been the same as it used to be.

You think about how you always had a big family dinner together when Mother’s Day came around. You remember how, no matter who was cooking, Mom always weighed in on how to the judge the roast’s doneness, and on how soon after the meal to serve the orange chiffon cake. You recall how no one arrived without something for her garden. And you can’t forget how Dad always made a production of taking the annual family photo then.

Now Mom’s not mobile enough to visit any family member at home. It’s a production to bring her a hot, home-cooked meal where she is. With several family members now living at a distance, with their own in-laws to visit, there will not be much of a family gathering. And even if they all could come, it would be an uncomfortable fit in Mom’s nursing-home digs.

At least you can bake the orange chiffon cake, bring cut flowers and tote a camera, too. But your heart sinks at how different the occasion is bound to be from the home-sweet-home memories you cherish of Mother’s Days past.

What can you do to turn an occasion that makes your heart ache into one that is heartwarming?

First of all, don’t let go of those sentimental feelings that make you long for the past. Instead, explore them and find ways to bring the past into the present.

Begin by purchasing a real plant, and tell Mom you will plant it for her in your own garden. Consider buying a flowering shrub, which will require care, change with the seasons, and provide shape in your garden even in the dead of winter. Tell Mom you will photograph it as the seasons change, so she can give you advice on how to care for it. If there is a grandchild in the family, make sure the child is involved in and photographed in the act of selecting and planting Grandma’s shrub.

While thinking about photos, see if you can find some of Dad’s famous annual Mother’s Day shots and make one of them into a card, or frame it for her. Even if you can’t put your hands on those photos, find others and bring them to enjoy together on Mom’s Day. If you have boxes of loose photos, consider bringing an album and spending some time reminiscing about happy times while filling the album. By bringing those happy memories into the nursing home, you may find you’ve made the Mother’s Day you dreaded into an occasion you’ll always be glad to remember.