Internet addiction? Habit’s hard to click

My new psychiatrist, Dr Jerald Block, seems to think I have a problem with addiction. He could be right.

After all, it starts at 6 a.m. and normally runs, intermittently, until 10 p.m. when The New York Times finally releases its daily crossword puzzle. It is the Internet.

I can’t help it. I have these bloodthirsty shut-ins who send me e-mails every day. Those very important messages about Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and the Red Sox must be answered. Plus, there are those African lotteries I will get almost every day, although I have never entered. I forward those to Jefferson Phil because he needs the money.

Once that is done (could take an hour) I go through my “favorites.” First is the USA Today standings of the American League East. Then the Times and, of course, the Drudge Report, the single best news source I have found, since it offers instant access to that Botown Bomber, one Howie Carr. Think Limbaugh with a sense of humor.

Then there are a dozen newspapers and a dozen sports sites. Espn.com takes at least 20 minutes.

By then, it’s time to check on my e-mail again. The e-mail circle is divided (not in intelligence) numerically along left-wing, right-wing leanings and can be delightfully acerbic.

By then it’s time for lunch.

Think I have a problem? Dr. Block does.

Here comes our boy. Psychiatrist Dr. Jerald Block of the Oregon Health and Science University in Portland first made the “addiction” claims in an editorial for the American Journal of Psychiatry. I just knew I would end up in that magazine someday.

He said some sufferers were so addicted to the Internet that they required medication or even hospital treatment to curb the time they spent on the Web.

“The relationship is with the computer. It becomes a significant other to them. They exhaust emotions that they could experience in the real world on the computer through any number of mechanisms: e-mailing, gaming, porn.”

He added: “It’s much more acceptable for kids to talk about game use, whereas adults keep it a secret. Rather than having sex, or arguing with their wife or husband, or feeding their children, these adults are playing games.”

British psychiatrists in still another “study” have reported previously that between 5 percent and 10 percent of online users are Internet addicts, though they never mentioned me by name. These sufferers “spend unhealthy amounts of time playing online games, viewing pornography or e-mailing,” it was reported.

I rarely view pornography, or go to strip clubs because they are injurious to the psyche, I believe. I do not want to be exposed to a fabulous meal I have no intention of consuming.

These addicts suffer four symptoms, our English friends tell us: “They forget to eat and sleep; they need more advanced technology or more hours online as they develop ‘resistance’ to the pleasure given by their current system; if they are deprived of their computer, they experience genuine withdrawal symptoms; and in common with other addictions, the victims also begin to have more arguments, to suffer fatigue, to get lower marks in tests and to feel isolated from society.

Early research into the subject found “highly educated, socially awkward men were the most likely sufferers but more recent work suggests it is now more of a problem for middle-aged women who are spending hours at home on their computers.”

I guess I am not that bad. I never forget to eat or sleep, although I have lost my car on a few occasions and have been called “socially awkward” once or twice. I definitely feel withdrawal symptoms when I spend a night on computerless Damariscotta Lake. But I don’t think I have any more arguments than usual, unless you count e-mails. Fatigue? I was born tired. No medication and no hospitalization needed, yet.

I would like to continue, but I have to go.

Purcell has sent a bitter e-mail from Charleston. Something about the Yankees and Republicans.

Losing.

Send complaints and compliments to Emmet Meara at emmetmeara@msn.com.