The current state of our political arguments suggests that for all the time we spend arguing, most of us are lousy at it. We drive arguments as though they are pickup trucks, and think we have won if the opposition is left behind prone on the road with a tire track tattoo. We forget that if your argument sounded great to you but convinced no one, you actually lost the argument.

The ability to work things out through compromise and civil discussion is required of successful democracies and other complex relationships, which makes this list of things I keep trying to remember about arguing worth tacking to your refrigerator, your cell phone, every politician and the forehead of anyone who disagrees with you about anything.

It’s a darn small world, so don’t trash talk people on the other side of an issue, or write off your relationship with them because you disagree over the issue of the moment. Chances are good that whoever you tick off today you are going to need tomorrow. That’s especially true in a small state such as Maine, where you cannot swing at a bull moose without hitting someone you battled with last year and is supporting you on some other issue this year.

The list of things we can disagree about is endless, but the list of things we really must have exactly our own way and fight over is darn short. If you think everything is worth arguing about, you are the problem, not those who disagree with you.

Arguing unhappily over an issue you cannot resolve is like drilling a hole in the bottom of your own boat. If you cannot argue without rancor over an issue that cannot be solved, or where your differences are irreconcilable, stop talking about it. A list of such topics might include Roe v. Wade, whether we should have invaded Iraq and whether the New York Yankees are really the evil spawn of space aliens. We have lots of issues we have to work out without wasting time, effort, and good will on issues we cannot resolve.

Related, we should set aside contentious issues that do not have to be resolved right now. If we put the issue off, some of us might change our minds, circumstances may change and make the other position acceptable and the issue might just be easier to solve on another day.

Rarely does one side have enough power to make all decisions unilaterally. Most arguments should therefore be in the pursuit of common ground, not total victory.

Related, we all need to give up the idea that unless our favorite politician is a pit bull with fangs bared and feet in cement on our favorite issue, he or she is not worth supporting. The surest way to have a government that cannot get anything done is to vote politicians who compromise out of office. If you want a politician who is totally under your control, run for office yourself.

We all need to remember the difference between arguing and persuading. Persuading is about changing someone’s mind, while arguing is simply one method of persuasion and not persuasion itself. There are many other methods of persuasion, and arguing is often the worst of them.

Interrupting someone suggests we are more interested in what we have to say ourselves than what they have to say. We should all either stop interrupting those we disagree with, or just go off in a corner and argue with ourselves.

We could all use training in the ability to argue without getting ticked off. People who can work on difficult issues without anger are often more thoughtful and perceptive about what it takes to bring others around to their point of view or to a compromise. Those kinds of people are often so persuasive they could talk wet paint out of drying.

We face tremendously complex and urgent problems that we must collectively solve at a much faster pace than has been possible in the contentious political times of the last 20 years. We will not start solving them fast enough and well enough until we all learn how to argue as though we are in this together.

Erik Steele, D.O., a Bangor physician, is chief medical officer of Eastern Maine Healthcare Systems and is on the staff of several hospital emergency rooms in the region.