Experience helps get us through

When one is faced with a challenge that seems insurmountable, it’s a good idea to pause and think hard about life experience in some other realm that may be useful in handling the difficulty.

For instance, moms and dads who face problems with an immature co-worker might think of things they learned in parenting their college student. Scout leaders faced with personal worries might remember the motto, “Be prepared,” and do their best to prepare for challenges they can anticipate. Those who have piloted boats might remember the true grit that steadied them through a squall and find inner courage in other parts of their lives through mulling this memory.

If one is a journalist, though, one is especially blessed when it comes to facing life’s trials. In my case, all I have to do is think like a reporter and give myself an assignment to take care of a particular question.

For instance, in order to handle the practical problem of a messy house, I once gave myself the assignment of consulting a clutter expert. In the interpersonal realm, I find thinking like a reporter in the approach to a problem is often very productive.

For instance if an important person in my life seems not to hear my wishes, I recall the time I managed to get Princess Diana’s butler, Paul Burrell, to pour tea for me at The Ritz hotel in Boston. I managed this through coming up with a creative idea, by indicating that I could bring positive attention to him, and by polite persistence.

It may seem surprising that Burrell, who had been hounded by annoying paparazzi, would go the extra mile for one American newspaper reporter. But the fact was that he was ready to promote his book on etiquette, and that meant he would have to deal with the press. There was competition to meet with him, but my idea of learning firsthand about the etiquette of tea pouring was different enough to catch his interest. It tied in with his desire to call attention to the topic of the book, too.

But as he poured tea for me, Burrell said, the chief reason why he consented to spend time with me rather than with competing reporters was that I seemed to have a talent for etiquette, too. The politeness of my request led him to believe he would enjoy the occasion.

How does this apply to an interpersonal relationship? In all relationships, it’s essential to get the other person’s attention. If one is feeling unheard or unnoticed, it’s wise to come up with a fresh approach. It’s essential to think about the other person’s needs as well as one’s own. And asking politely instead of whining or complaining will maximize the potential for getting a “Yes.”

Once you meet with the person, it doesn’t hurt to serve a warm drink. If your wardrobe does not run to white gloves, you can probably get away without wearing them as you pour. Just remember to say, “Thank you for taking this time with me.” The response you receive may just surprise you royally.