November 14, 2024
Column

No end in sight of the 24-7 weather reports

The latest phrase added to my personal detest list is “24-7,” so it’s a given that I’m wary, if not altogether weary, of The Weather Channel with its round-the-clock reports touted as – you guessed it – 24-7 coverage.

Even more so when a winter snow storm sends weather watchers into orbit and they, in turn, hype the situation until the rest of us crawl under the covers out of fear the snow will smother us, the winds will transport us and the cold will freeze the skin on our chinny chin chins.

The blizzard of ’05, the “winter wallop,” as it was dubbed, did blow and snow. But so did the chatterers on The Weather Channel. Some of them were nearly hysterical, visibly awed by deep snow in New York City or howling winds on Cape Cod or snowdrifts in northern Maine. Their voices reached a pitch that sent the dogs whining, and the warnings they issued nonstop were downright dire.

“Keep your children inside today and play cards,” one announcer told parents in Atlanta where temperatures plummeted to 25 and winds were brisk. “If your kids want to go sliding, make sure you time them because of dangerous chill factors,” said another to parents in Cincinnati. Even residents of Birmingham and Orlando were reminded it was colder than normal so they probably shouldn’t, well, play golf on that day.

“If you’re shoveling your driveway, come inside often and make sure you hydrate,” warned the television announcer to Boston viewers, who probably weren’t viewing because they were outside shoveling their driveways.

“If the front moves offshore, we’ll be spared; if not, we’ll get clobbered,” the regional message continued till it was apparent indeed, we were spared, with only 4 or 5 inches of snow accumulation, hardly enough to chafe about.

Before The Weather Channel, what did we do? How did parents know to bundle up their youngsters before sending them to wait by the roadside for the school bus? Without instruction, how did we decide to come in and warm our toes by the wood stove when they started aching?

Nobody in his or her right mind – unless sick with chicken pox – would stay in and play cards when the sleds or ice skates were lined up, waiting in the mudroom.

There were always a few old tires to burn if it really got cold, and mothers knew how to make real hot chocolate.

Folks didn’t need to be told to stay off the roads when the snow blew horizontal and blizzard conditions caused whiteouts. They could look outside then, as well as now, and determine the hazards of venturing out and about. They listened not to commentators but to common sense.

Now, though, we stay glued to the media meteorologists and wait for them to tell us what they’re doing standing out there, what the weather’s doing, what it’s going to do and what we should and shouldn’t do about it. Nonstop communication 24-7.


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