November 23, 2024
Column

In recovery, addicts struggle with finding their way back

The bad news about addiction comes in many forms. You know the problem list: car wrecks and overdose deaths, burglaries and assaults, promising lives wasted and families torn apart.

But there is good news, too – longtime drug users who finally acknowledge their illness, young people who courageously seek help when they recognize their addiction, users and their families who reclaim their lives, a little at a time, from the consuming fires of substance abuse.

Some of these stories come full circle, with recovering users acting as mentors, role models and counselors to others coming along behind – empathetic and supportive as only another recovering drug user can be.

Recovery necessarily starts with the experience of sickness, and often with the disbelief that this could have happened to us. In my 23 years spent talking with folks who misuse chemicals, both recovering and active, not one has said that this lifestyle was what he or she had hoped or planned for.

The majority of those who have lost time to alcohol or drug dependence began with shaky inner foundations. So many of us have lived through troubling family or life situations, never learning healthy coping mechanisms to deal with problems or pain. Worse, we couldn’t understand this until we became well enough to see clearly.

In recovery, we begin to identify just how our drug habit took over, filling in the aching, empty spaces and padding the jagged edges of our lives. Many who come to terms with their addictive illness mention how horrified they were when they realized how their worsening alcohol or drug compulsion had eroded them mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually – how deprived and depraved they had become. They talk about the terror that comes with the loss of control over their behaviors and thinking.

As if facing our inner suffering and broken places weren’t enough, we all know the cultural judgments awaiting “junkies,” “addicts” and “drunks.” Those of us who are branded with these labels find that we think of ourselves in the same disparaging ways.

Now imagine that you stop pouring substances into your body. Now you can’t tune out the inner voices that proclaim how bad you are and that list the many wrongs you have committed. You know others think badly of you. You are told, by people wiser than yourself, that you need to face all of this head-on in order to get well. Most of us need lots of help to do this.

At first, you cannot even fathom what good may come of being stripped bare in this way. What a dilemma it is, especially when you’ve worked so hard to keep it all together!

You walk into the fires within, because you need to discover your truest self, without chemical distortion, and to learn to handle all of life’s challenges sober and clean. You will stumble into more fires when you realize that society’s view of you doesn’t change just because you are now recovering. But you will come to believe that healing is possible only from the inside out, and that your strength must come from your growing sense of inner groundedness, and not from the approval of others.

These halting, painful steps will bring you to the best part: rebirth, renewal and gratitude as you live more fully than you had imagined possible. You will discover resilience and courage in yourself that you didn’t know you had. You will hear others speak about building solid inner foundations that sustain them through life’s storms – and with hard work, patience and time, you will have your own powerful stories to share.

These are my favorite stories, told by millions of people; stories of courage and gifts, of real transformation. I hear them in my work and in my private life, and I regret their absence in the mainstream. These are the tales that we need to tell one another, to develop a cultural consciousness that knows and values recovery. This would surely inspire hope in us all and offer encouragement to those who are struggling to find their way back into life.

Debbie Dettor of Bangor serves as coordinator for the Maine Alliance for Addiction Recovery. She just celebrated 20 years of freedom from alcohol and other drugs. Send comments about “Finding a Fix” by calling 990-8291 or e-mailing findingafix@bangordailynews.net.

From the heart

Aftermath of methadone

Another birthday goes by, and I celebrate at the cemetery with 24 purple roses, a birthday balloon and a picture of my daughter with her son. I cry uncontrollably about her unexpected, unnecessary and reckless death. Where is the accountability for this deadly poison called methadone and the so-called medical professionals that are dispensing this synthetic narcotic to our community? I am not saying that methadone might not help a handful of addicts that are really trying to stay straight. But when the clinics have patients who are abusing other drugs, who are oversedated most of the time, who can’t work or take care of their families, alternative measures need to be put in place. In addition to receiving a proper, adequate daily dose of methadone and going to regular counseling, clients should be able to sign some sort of release form allowing their families to communicate day-to-day observations and concerns with their doctors. I wish people would step up and tell their experiences through the media. My daughter was a beautiful, healthy, happy, loving 21-year-old – what went wrong?

-Linda Nash, Belfast


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