In theaters

THE MAN, directed by Les Mayfield, written by Jim Piddock, Margaret Oberman and Steve Carpenter, 83 minutes, rated PG-13.

The dog days of summer are barking loud and clear in “The Man,” a broad, fish-out-of-water comedy from Les Mayfield that’s every bit as generic as it sounds.

The film stars Eugene Levy as Andy Fiddler, a naive dental supply agent who leaves the white picket fences of Wisconsin for the mean streets of Detroit. There, he plans to attend a dental convention and deliver the speech of his life.

Problem is, once Andy arrives in Detroit, he finds himself taking a bite out of crime. What unfolds is a string of misunderstandings and coincidences that descend upon this odd duck, a rather pale-skinned fellow who is somehow mistaken for Samuel L. Jackson’s Derrick Vann, a scowling federal agent on the verge of busting a gun-running scam bankrolled by slippery Joey (Luke Goss, whose own teeth, it should be noted, seem lit from within).

The movie, which Mayfield based on a script by Jim Piddock, Margaret Oberman and Steve Carpenter, has a few cavities to fill. It’s amiable enough, with Levy playing a version of the character for which he’s come to be known – uptight, pinched, slightly neurotic, ultimately endearing – but none of it is new. Same goes for Jackson, who also is cast to type. So with the movie and the actors only ever going through the motions, “The Man” can’t shake the sense that everyone here is just dangling for a paycheck.

Movies like “The Man” are among the most difficult to review. Since it’s not awful, you can’t rail against it. Since it’s not good, there’s no way to praise it. Like so many cookie-cutter movies that stumble out of the Hollywood mill, this is a movie that isn’t even there. It doesn’t exist.

What does one say about it? Do you react to the performances? If so, what performances? None is noteworthy. Do you talk about the script? Impossible. Other than detailing the canned plot points, there isn’t a script to discuss. How about the direction? Anything there to discuss? Sorry, but no.

The problem with “The Man” is that because it’s so generic, so safe, so absolutely bland, it courts inertia and thus becomes inert. Are we supposed to discuss the merits of the film’s many fart jokes? I won’t waste your time.

Unlike the best comedies, you don’t leave “The Man” talking about which scenes made you laugh the hardest, which lines are worth remembering and quoting, or how much you loved this actor or that character. Instead, you just walk to your car with your companion, not particularly moved to a brighter mood, just dismissing the 83 minutes you squandered with an eagerness to move on.

Grade: C-

On video and DVD

THE ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL, directed by Robert Rodriguez, written by Rodriguez and Marcel Rodriguez, 94 minutes, rated PG.

Robert Rodriguez’s “The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D,” from a script inspired by his 7-year-old son, Racer Max, is bogus, low-tech dreck.

Even if you didn’t know going into the film that it was conceived by a child, you’d likely sense something was askew the moment the movie detoured into the Land of Milk and Cookies, for instance, or Planet Drool. Along the way, we also literally plunge into the Stream of Consciousness, the Train of Thought and finally – appropriately – into the Sea of Confusion.

As directed by Rodriguez, whose “Spy Kids” series was so good and whose “Sin City” stands tall as one of this year’s more imaginative films, “Sharkboy & Lavagirl” is remedial and repetitive, a simpering hive of connect-the-dot chaos that is hell to endure. It goes nowhere, it’s dull, the acting is sub-par and the special effects, if you can call them that, appear to have been purchased at Dollar Tree.

So, you see, here is a movie you can react to.

In the film, sensitive, 10-year-old Max (Cayden Boyd) is being bullied at school by the repellent Linus (Jacob Davich), who has stolen his coveted Dream Journal, in which Max has chronicled his summer friendships with superheroes Sharkboy (Taylor Lautner) and Lavagirl (Taylor Dooley).

Word on the jungle gym is that Max is screwy, but not so fast. He is soon vindicated when Sharkboy and Lavagirl storm into his classroom and steal him away to fight the good fight on Planet Drool. Apparently, his dreams are needed to conquer the evil of Mr. Electric (George Lopez), who wants – oh, I don’t know – to rule the universe.

Or something like that.

Those who believe you need to be a kid to appreciate the film’s “simple pleasures” are dumbing down the majority of children, who have seen better story lines and character development in video games, and who know it when they’re being conned, as they are here.

Grade: D-

Visit WeekinRewind.com, the new archive of Bangor Daily News film critic Christopher Smith’s reviews, which appear Mondays in Discovering, Fridays in Happening, and Weekends in Television. He may be reached at Christopher@weekinrewind.com.

THE VIDEO-DVD CORNER

Renting a video or a DVD? NEWS film critic Christopher Smith can help. Below are his grades of recent releases in video stores. Those in bold print are new to video stores this week.

Alexander – C

The Aviator – A

Bad Education – A

Beauty Shop – C-

Bride & Prejudice – B

The Brown Bunny – C

Constantine – C-

Darkness – D+

A Dirty Shame – B

Ella Enchanted – B

Empire Falls – C-

Fever Pitch – A-

Hide and Seek – C

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – B-

Hostage – C-

Ice Princess – B-

The Incredibles – A

In Good Company – B+

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou – D+

The Longest Yard – C

A Lot Like Love – D

Million Dollar Baby – A

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous – C+

Monster-in-Law – B-

Ray – A

The Wedding Date – B