One of the most nerve-wracking, anxiety-inducing things a single person can do is to ask someone out on a date.

You could torture yourself for hours. Am I misreading the signals? How do I actually word the invitation? And once I get the person to agree on a date, what the heck do I do with him, anyway?

For women doing the asking, it’s even worse. We’ve got decades – maybe even centuries – of social stigma to deal with. You know what I mean – women who ask out men are desperate and aggressive, right? And for a woman to appear desperate or aggressive is often the kiss of death.

A co-worker even suggested that back in his single days, if a woman asked him out, it signified that she was, well, eager for things to move along quickly.

The uncertainty women feel about asking a man for a date is what led an acquaintance to ask for my advice a few weeks ago. She had met a man she was interested in and was wondering whether or not she should ask him out.

Frankly, I was surprised that this young, hip, and self-assured woman was unsure about doing the inviting. But remember all that history women have. Who wouldn’t be a bit nervous?

I’ve done it twice, with unclear results. Although neither guy agreed to a date, I now wonder if I really asked properly. It seems to me I was pretty passive about it – rather than asking, I may have suggested coffee or a movie. And as women know, sometimes men need the direct approach to understand us. They’re not good at reading our minds.

What I did learn from my experience was that once you get it over with, it’s not so bad.

And it’s happening more and more these days. Although I can’t imagine anyone keeping statistics on these kinds of things, the women who run the It’s Just Lunch dating service, which has more than 70 offices across the country (although none in Maine, of course) claim that 58 percent of the women they deal with have asked a men out on a date.

For the other 42 percent, the No. 1 reason to not do the asking is an old-fashioned mindset and expectation that the man should be the one. The second most popular answer? Fear of rejection. Third was worries about appearing desperate.

Those were some of the stumbling blocks my acquaintance had about asking a man for a date.

I encouraged her to take the plunge. Not only would she get over her first-time jitters, but she would also have a pretty definitive way to determine if the guy was interested in her. If you get a ‘No thanks,’ I told her, you can move on.

If he says yes to the date, well, that’s a pretty positive sign.

The next step is to find a shared interest and then suggest something fun.

Luckily, my acquaintance and her would-be date already had a shared interest in music. Now that’s an easy one – there are plenty of music-related date ideas out there, from dance clubs to live music or an afternoon perusing the racks at Bull Moose Music in Bangor.

I’m not sure if my pro-asking arguments convinced her, but she went through with it.

And guess what? He said yes.

A few days later, when I saw my friend, I immediately asked what happened on their evening together. But does it matter how things went? Even if they didn’t hit it off, it took a big leap of confidence to ask a guy for a date. And the next time, it’ll be a little bit easier.

Jessica Bloch can be reached at jbloch@bangordailynews.net.