As always at this time of the year, I am reminded of the plight of the Lost Men of Christmas.
On a few occasions in the past, I’ve chronicled their misadventures at the crowded mall, where these desperate last-minute male shoppers wander in a state of befuddlement through that alien territory, their feet aching, their eyes glazed and their brains overwhelmed with the responsibility of finding nice gifts for the women in their lives.
And until now, I’d always assumed there was no solution to their seasonal distress, that it was their lot in life to be lost in the last frenzied days leading up to Christmas.
But the other day, I read of a clever retailing strategy which promises to make gift-buying a more comfortable and productive experience for even the most reluctant male shoppers.
Maine merchants, take heed: Just lure the guys into your store with offers of free beer and pizza and they’ll be sure to make the cash registers jingle oh so merrily. According to the Associated Press, it’s working splendidly for a jewelry store in Omaha, Neb., which came up with the novel idea to attract those frantic men who typically wait until just before Christmas to begin shopping for their wives, girlfriends and mothers. The store has held men’s nights for five years now, and the party atmosphere draws hundreds of shoppers who are more than happy to loosen their wallets as they partake of the free holiday cheer.
The event is so successful, in fact, that the store began holding a ladies’ night a week earlier when women pack the place to drink wine and Perrier and eat finger foods while filling out jewelry wish lists for their men’s convenience. When the men show up a week later, they get to sit around on lounge chairs, eating pizza, drinking beer and watching movies as smiling sales clerks trot out the glittering desires from the wish lists.
It’s a brilliantly simple seduction, when you think about it. Your average, hopelessly adrift male shopper, after spending a couple of rather dispiriting and fruitless hours at the mall, might very well long to flee the place and go home, where he can kick back with beer and pizza and watch a game on TV. So the Omaha jewelry store smartly hands all of it to the men right on a silver platter, which they might even be tempted to buy for their wives before they leave. Everybody wins – the store, the men and the women, too, who get to unwrap gifts other than bathrobes, slippers and small kitchen appliances on Christmas morning.
Other stores in the country are also trying creative ways to beckon male shoppers, who, retail analysts say, will buy an estimated $49 billion in apparel this year. Saks Fifth Avenue, the famous upscale New York retailer, went so far as to bring in Playboy centerfolds to serve as men’s personal shoppers earlier this month.
Sex seems to be selling down in Massachusetts, too. According to the Boston Herald, a gift store in the town of Upton staged its first men’s shopping night and hired a belly dancer named Samirah to entice an elusive male clientele. As Samirah shimmied and swayed, the enraptured Uptonians stocked up on jellies, wicker baskets, scented candles and other items they might not otherwise have been tempted to buy.
Beer, pizza, TV, Playboy bunnies and finger cymbals – what more could a guy ask for at Christmastime?
“This is my idea of shopping right here,” a delighted Nebraskan male sighed from his lounge chair, speaking for the Lost Men of Christmas the world over.
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