November 17, 2024
Column

Fewer than zero reasons to see ‘Haunting’

In theaters

AN AMERICAN HAUNTING, written and directed by Courtney Solomon, 83 minutes, rated PG-13.

Courtney Solomon’s new horror movie, “An American Haunting,” is more like “An American Hanging.” It slips a big noose of banality around its audience’s necks and then tightens the rope until unconsciousness sets in.

That it doesn’t take long to do so is either the best news I can share or the worst, depending on your point of view.

There is no reason to care about this movie. To say that it’s rotten gives it more energy than it deserves. It suggests that the film leaves a mark, which it doesn’t. What comes closer to the truth is that the movie is barely there. It defines vapidity. It’s all smoke and no mirrors, with no payoff, no point. It would be nice to say that it has no raison d’etre, but that would just insult the French.

Based on Brent Monahan’s book, “The Bell Witch: An American Haunting,” which is inspired by a true story, the film stars Sissy Spacek and Donald Sutherland as Lucy and John Bell. They are common folk from 19th-century Tennessee who are jarred out of this world and into another when John angers a neighbor, Kate Batts (Gaye Brown), over a land claim.

Since Kate might be a witch, it likely is she who laid the Bells flat with a curse that corrupts their homelife. Indeed, daughter Betsy (Rachel Hurd-Wood), with her bee-stung lips and blank eyes, becomes possessed by a demon, which has its way with her in scenes that are more humorous than haunting.

This is a movie that literally slaps its characters around with the invisible hands of a demon and then figuratively does the same to its audience. The lameness of its execution, the absolute absence of any kind of horror, the constant screeching of its sound effects, the jittery use of its handheld cameras, and how Solomon sandbags his supremely talented cast with 83 minutes of crap, is bewildering.

In the end, what sticks is that this film is called “An American Haunting,” which is ironic since right now, American filmmakers have mostly forgotten how to do horror well. Currently the film is the worst of the year, though others might trump it as 2006 unfolds.

Grade: BOMB

On DVD

MUNICH, directed by Stephen Spielberg, written by Tony Kushner and Eric Roth, 164 minutes, rated R.

Shock cinema, but with a story and with a point.

Steven Spielberg’s “Munich” cuts a bloody swath of revenge that literally, in several scenes, finds its characters either riddled with bullets, soaked in blood, blown out of their hotel rooms, covered in body parts, or spinning from ceiling fans – sometimes all at once.

The film deals (and opens) with the abduction of the 11 Israeli Olympians at the 1972 Munich games, who were murdered at the hands of a group of Palestinian extremists who called themselves Black September.

Cut to Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir (Lynn Cohen, perfect), who begins a secret campaign that finds her hiring one of her former Mossad agents and bodyguards, Avner Kauffman (Eric Bana), to lead four other Jews (Daniel Craig, Mathieu Kassovitz, Hanns Zischler, Ciaran Hinds) in an effort to execute the men who executed their men. It’s a tit-for-tat revenge scheme, with Spielberg literally spanning the globe as these men score their hits in a rush of violence that only serves to spawn more violence.

Geoffrey Rush, Mathieu Amalric and Michael Lonsdale also star, with Spielberg courting a sophisticated new style that eschews sentiment and schmaltz while tipping his hat to a few notable directors, particularly Hitchcock and Coppola, along the way. A fine, provocative film, and a nice break in form for Spielberg.

Grade: A-

NANNY MCPHEE, directed by Kirk Jones, written by Emma Thompson, 91 minutes, rated PG.

Upon first glance, you’d swear her parents had commingled with rats. There is, after all, the rather distressing issue of her overlapping front snaggletooth, which pinches her chin. And then there’s her nose, which is a shock of twisted audacity, and her face, which has blossomed with warts.

The person in question is Nanny McPhee (Emma Thompson), the fearsome governess with the magical walking stick who is the title character of Kirk Jones’ movie. Thompson’s performance is the best part of the show. She’s absolutely in her element here, even though the movie itself isn’t nearly as funny as it should have been.

Set in the late 19th century, the film stars Colin Firth as mortician Cedric Brown, who is busy mourning the death of his wife while trying his best to provide care for his seven unruly children. In no time, his brats have gone through 17 nannies before they come upon the formidable McPhee. It’s she who has the moxie to contain them. It’s also she who appears, as if by some unknown calling, to teach them life lessons while Cedric is in a rush to marry before his wicked Aunt Adelaide (Angela Lansbury), cuts off the monthly check, which means that his children will be divided into foster care.

With its stale whiff of “Mary Poppins,” “Nanny McPhee” is good-natured and genial, but to a fault. A real sense of danger could have helped the movie, a little drama beyond, say, the food fight that comes at the end. Its appeal likely will be for the youngest in the household. All others might wish that this nanny recalled a bit of Bette Davis’ nanny in 1965’s “The Nanny.” Cross that film with “Mary Poppins,” and you would have had a movie on your hands.

Grade: B

Visit www.weekinrewind.com, the archive of Bangor Daily News film critic Christopher Smith’s reviews, which appear Mondays in Discovering, Fridays in Happening, and Weekends in Television. He may be reached at Christopher@weekinrewind.com.

THE VIDEO-DVD CORNER

Renting a video or a DVD? NEWS film critic Christopher Smith can help. Below are his grades of recent releases in video stores. Those in bold print are new to video stores this week.

Aeon Flux – C-

American Dad!: Volume 1 – B-

Big Momma’s House 2 – D

Breakfast on Pluto – B

Brokeback Mountain – A-

Capote – A

Casanova – C-

Chicken Little – C-

Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – A

The Constant Gardener – A-

Derailed – C+

The Family Stone – D

Fun with Dick and Jane – C

Good Night, and Good Luck – A-

Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire – B-

A History of Violence – A

Hoodwinked – C

Howl’s Moving Castle – A-

The Ice Harvest – B-

Jarhead – B

Junebug – A

Kate & Allie: Season 1 – B

King Kong – C

Last Holiday – B

The Legend of Zorro – C+

The Lucy & Desi Collection – B+

Match Point – A

Memoirs of a Geisha – C+

Munich – A-

Nanny McPhee – B-

North Country – C

Oliver Twist – B+

Paradise Now – A-

Pride & Prejudice – A

Prime – B-

The Producers – B+

Reba: The Complete Third Season – C+

Red Dwarf: VIII – B-

Red Eye – B+

Rent – C-

Rumor Has It…

Saw II – D-

Serenity – A-

Shopgirl – B+

The Squid and the Whale – B+


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