Friends, buddies, comrades, pals, cronies. Any way you slice it, friendship makes us thrive as human beings.

But sometimes, illness such as Alzheimer’s disease can change things, and people may not be the same as they once were. Personalities may become drastically different, causing anxiety and fear, not only in the patient but also in his or her social and family circle.

And yet, regardless of the diagnosis, you’re still friends. The devotion and loyalty of that friendship is the basis of an effective tool called the Best Friends approach, which is used in dealing with Alzheimer’s patients. This approach is similar to the one you’d take when dealing with a good friend.

“This is a social model of training for people who care for or work with people with Alzheimer’s disease or related dementia,” said Val Sauda, director of outreach at Eastern Agency on Aging.

“It is based on the premise of friendship mode – instead of treating the person with Alzheimer’s as a patient or just seeing the disease, see them as the person, an individual,” she said. “It is about meeting them on their specific level wherever that might be. It is about accentuating the value and worth of the person with Alzheimer’s.”

“The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care” by Virginia Bell and David Troxel is an extremely informative and easy-to-read book that explains positive ways to handle the effects of the disease from the caregiver standpoint. The book outlines the “elements of friendship and Alzheimer’s care” as these things relate to each other.

For example, friends do things together. The Best Friends approach encourages the same type of interaction between the caregiver and the person with Alzheimer’s. The difference is the chosen activity. While two friends may go to the movies and spend quality time together, the person with Alzheimer’s could help the caregiver clean the kitchen. This fosters togetherness.

The caregiver may also build self-esteem by telling the person what a good job he or she did tidying the kitchen. Even when things are tough, a compliment can raise spirits.

Offering encouragement, engaging in laughter – which often can be the best medicine – and really paying attention to the person with Alzheimer’s, even if it is through carefully watching body language, can improve the relationship.

Just as best friends celebrate special occasions, so should the caregiver and the person with Alzheimer’s. Sometimes traditional celebrations such as wedding anniversaries and birthdays can bring back good memories.

“The Best Friends approach to caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease helps caregivers respond to situations that arise. It focuses on the strengths and abilities of that person and incorporates a lot of the same things that are present in a good friendship,” said Gail Drasby, family caregiver resource specialist at EAA.

Sauda agrees.

“The Best Friends approach is a wonderful tool for caregivers to use in the extremely stressful time of an Alzheimer’s diagnosis,” said Sauda.

“This book and the associated seminars provide the caregivers with skills which can increase the level of communication with their loved one while reducing their own stress. I highly recommend the approach to anyone in this situation.”

Available workshops include:

. My Friend’s Place, First United Methodist Church, Bangor, Oct. 2. Call Barbara Fister at 945-0122.

. Ross Manor, Broadway, Bangor, Oct. 12 and 19. Call Mary Gould at 941-8400, Ext. 228.

. Dorothea Dix Psychiatric Center, Old Auditorium, Bangor, Nov. 8. Call Jan Halloran, DHHS, 287-9233.

There is no greater gift than friendship, especially when all seems lost. And the kinship of best friends can work miracles.

Carol Higgins is director of communications at Eastern Agency on Aging. For information on EAA, call 941-2865, e-mail info@eaaa.org, or log on www.eaaa.org.