Losing a game is tough for anyone who competes, but it’s nothing compared to the loss Foxcroft Academy football coach Paul Withee and his family have endured in recent times.

Two years ago his dad died, painful enough because Frank Withee shared with his son in all the successes and the occasional setback experienced by the Ponies since the early 1990s.

Then this spring came the sudden death of his wife LeAnn to cancer at age 43. Like her husband she was an educator, and like him she was heavily invested in Foxcroft football.

“LeAnn was a big part of this program with the kids,” Withee said. “She knew all the players, we’d have them over to the house, and they all knew who Mrs. Withee was.

“I’ve always thought one reason we’ve had the success with the program that we’ve had is because my wife allowed me to be the coach and person I needed to be for us to be successful.”

This year’s team wears patches bearing her initials on its game uniforms, one of many gestures the greater Dover-Foxcroft community has made on behalf of Withee and his children – Josh, a former FA quarterback now attending the University of Maine, and Courtney, a freshman at Foxcroft.

“I just can’t thank everyone enough for what they’ve done,” he said. “They let us grieve, but they really want to help in any way they can.”

Withee also wants to help, by urging women to have the CA 125 blood test that can detect ovarian cancer.

“All women need to take care of their health, and not just rely on doctors to run the tests,” he said. “They need to have the test, and demand their insurance company pay for it. It’s the same as a prostate cancer test for men, but they don’t do it for women. It’s treatable, and it can be detected so it can be prevented.”

It’s often said the diversion of sports can be medicinal for grieving sportsmen, but for Withee that’s really true only when he’s on the sideline at Oakes Field.

“When I go home after practice, LeAnn was the one I could confide in and talk to about the kids or school or practice,” he said. “Whatever it was that day, she was always there, so it’s hard now when I go home.”

While so much has changed, little is different on the football field. Foxcroft is unbeaten and again poised to challenge for the Class C state title after being denied by a goal-line stand in the last minute of last year’s final against Lisbon.

“Our goal for the next four seasons is to win the gold ball,” Withee said. “Every season is going to be dedicated to my wife for the next four years, and then when my daughter graduates I’ll probably graduate, too, and pursue other things in my life.”

He will do so with memories of football success, and a community that cared.

“I still have a lot of bad days,” he said, “but I just have so much support here from people calling or bringing things or just showing up to talk. And the boys on the team, they’ve done so much. It’s probably the only thing that’s kept me sane, the fact that I know we have so many people who care about us.

“I’m overwhelmed at times by the support we’ve gotten, but I would trade it all in. I just miss her so much.”

Ernie Clark may be reached at 990-8045, 1-800-310-8600 or by e-mail at eclark@bangordailynews.net.