Ethics reform that doesn’t. A pay raise that looks like it isn’t. Those who wonder just how bad Congress’s lower chamber can make itself look needn’t.

Since returning from summer vacation, here’s what the national House of ill repute has accomplished on behalf of the republic: It passed a package of ethics reforms that adds new layers to the veil of secrecy cloaking members’ misconduct; and it handed itself a $3,000 boost while pretending its hands were tied.

Of the two, the 2.3 percent cost-of-living pay raise is by far the least offensive, which makes the House’s approach all the more perplexing. Since 1989, lawmakers have been entitled to the same increase the president approves for all federal workers. Since 1992, Congress has turned down the increase for itself through an amendment to the Treasury Department spending bill.

The Senate included that amendment this year and House swore it would do the same. Speaker Newt Gingrich promised a national TV audience the raise would go through only if it survived a full and open debate. Two days later, while Mr. Speaker was out of town — serving as the main course at a $10,000-a-table GOP dinner — the treasury bill skated through, quietly and secretly shorn of the raise-blocking provision. Boy, did the kids ever catch it when dad got home.

What’s so pathetic is that any member of Congress with a little spine could make a case for a 2.3 percent raise every five years or so. Yes, the current salary of $133,000 is handsome, but the work is demanding. Serving in Congress isn’t just a full-time job — it’s an all-time job. Maintaining two households is expensive. Want a raise? Do what every other working stiff does and tell the boss you need it. Chances are we’d understand. Just don’t be sneaky about it.

If the pay raise is sad, the ethics reform is tragic. A self-policing process that before was pretty well insulated from such nosey outsiders as the public now is strictly for insiders. A citizen’s ability to lodge an ethics complaint, once difficult, now is virtually impossible. Complaints now can be filed only by a member of Congress with direct knowledge of the alleged misdeed. In other words, about the only House member likely to ever face an ethics charge again will be one stupid enough to rat himself, or herself, out.

The new rules specifically exclude news reports as evidence. This should be of some belated comfort to former Speaker Jim Wright, former Sen. Bob Packwood and Speaker Gingrich, all of whom got jammed up by snoopy reporters. Majority Whip Tom DeLay and Rep. Bud Shuster should be sleeping a little easier these days since the new rules virtually wipe out pending complaints against them.

Mainers, at least, can hold their heads high. Reps. Tom Allen and John Baldacci, voted on the right side of both issues. Kudos to them.

The last time the House got this hubristic, this full of itself, was during the reign of Tom Foley, who apparently saw nothing wrong with the troops bouncing checks all over creation. The fact that he now goes by the title of “former speaker” should give a clue to any current member wondering if the House of Representatives is a private club loaded with perks and bennies. It isn’t.